The worse the betrayal, the worse we feel, think, question, and even “BLAME” ourselves. What we can lay upon ourselves, is allowing us to hang onto this relationship after betrayal continues to occur.
Let us take a look at the meaning of the word, BETRAYAL:
Webster Definition: Betrayal-1. to “help” the enemy of one’s country 2. To expose, treacherously 3. to fail to uphold, (trust)
4. To deceive, to seduce, then desert 5. to reveal unknowingly 6. To disclose
Daily Wisdom Word Definition: 1. To fail one in confidence and judgement. 2. To knowingly deceive another, with intentional malice. 3. To set into action, a plan which is carried out to hurt another, with each of the actions.
If you have ever been betrayed, the first thing that is noticeable about this, to you may be the first thing I thought. This is the person(s) closest to me, and he, or she has the best capability to betray us should they want to. However, “I TRUST THIS PERSON.” In my case, I have been betrayed, with all of the above, in a love relationship. These actions almost cost my sanity, they were so hurtful, from finding texts expressing his love for another woman, in his life prior to our relationship, and love for her children and how they needed a “trip away”, so they could talk, all while in the process of professing love for me and supposedly having nothing to do with her, as I asked if he could let her go, prior to getting involved with him. I didn’t want to push, but he insisted he could shut that door to open a new one with myself.
Betrayal is a hard thing to get over, and if you have been betrayed, you may feel your responsible for an other’s issues. I am here to assure you that is not the case, although I have felt this way, I know today, I am not. If you have betrayed her/him, as well, the level of feeling you deal with is actually easier, for your aware of it.
What if you tried your best to do everything right? You were honest, protective, eventually obsessive, and “gullible”. If, like myself, you felt in some way you could have stopped the betrayal, being willing to look at the true person in front of you who has betrayed you, your wrong. WE don’t CONTROL other people, or their actions, things, or events. In some ways, we are accountable, if we stay and let it happen again. I did that as well, I am ashamed to admit. I also blamed myself, for my “gut instinct” kept ringing the alarm bell. I chose to ignore it.
There is therapy available for all of us, and it is very important to remember that life circumstances play a role, in how/what/when/why we could deal with one’s betrayal, and hurt and grieve, only to stay with the abusive individual, and be betrayed, again.
In my case, my main support system, (my children’s father, could no longer be in my life for two years, and my father died, all within a six month period.) I also was diagnosed with two different illnesses: Breast Cancer and a horrific pain decease, that took away my ability to work. I knew I had no choice to but to exit my career of 15 years, so each “Life Circumstance” left me more vulnerable to betrayal and acceptance of it from another. Needless to say, my self-esteem wasn’t at an all time high either.
I wrote on Sociopaths recently. I mentioned, they could recognize vulnerability in one, quickly, and those people, are who they are attracted to. If you are being betrayed over and over, and it has reached a point where you “expect it”, the best thing you can do for yourself is get therapy, and change what life circumstances your able to. The person I became involved with, seemed so kind. Even two years later, if asked what happened with us, he would say: “HER ABUSE DESTROYED US) gaining sympathy from others, because when I first met him, as he told me the horrid things done to him by his ex, I felt sympathy for him.
People, like this who are in the habit of betraying others, or hurting others, and feeling no remorse, describe themselves through their actions. It is almost as if their mind does not understand the simple concept we all live by called a “code of ethics and responsibility”, if we wish to have a role in one’s life. For him, HIS ACTIONS, no matter how hurtful, did not deserve any “CONSEQUENCE”. NEGATIVE Actions hurting you, became IMMEDIATELY about hurting him, when I responded to those actions=ABUSE on my end.
Wisdom words is based on mistakes I have made….It is not a post for judgement, just educated opinion. I shared this with you, because I want you to know whatever abusive betrayals you may be suffering from, there is HOPE to get away from it, and change your life.
I HAD “ACCOUNTABILITY” in this toxic relationship too, because I STAYED IN IT, and that was MY CHOICE. How I RESPONDED to his betrayals, made me the “abuser” in his mind, by calling him or catching him in a betrayal. What is our role in this? We should have exited long ago and sought counseling immediately.
What is the betrayals you have forgiven in your life? Do you have relationships, in which you did the betraying, ones have costing you a relationship? (friendships end easier with betrayal, and sadly, they are the relationships that last longer in the end, usually.”
LIFE EXPERIENCES, play a large role in how emotionally damaged we are and where are self-esteem is. I would have exited that relationship sooner if the life circumstances were not so great. I felt I needed him. Even, in my heart knowing he was cheating and lying. There are various counseling and therapy methods to help us get past the betrayal, but forgiveness, comes first.
One kind of therapy, is called, “EMDR” or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Simplistically, This therapy quickly shows images using rapid eye movement, repeatedly, in order to desensitize one from their trauma.
“If betrayal has gotten to a point where we accept it, from the other party, we need mental help.” Coming out of an abusive relationship we chose to stay in, because, we at some point we’re betrayed enough, we began to “ACCEPT THIS BEHAVIOR”, of Betrayals, over and over, EMDR Treatment, is a form of therapy, that might be a wonderful option. The thought behind this therapy, is if one is repetitiously exposed to the same thing hurtful over and over again, through projected images, we will desensitize, allowing us to deal with the problem, and be open to discussing it with a Professional.
Perhaps you are betrayed by your best friend or vise-versa. We must gauge the betrayal, for we are no better than others, and “unintentionally” we may have betrayed a confidence, or even us, in the betrayer mode, especially if how we feel about ourselves is worthless. “Forgiveness is the best medicine for the betrayed in these cases”. Do you lose your best friend over a lifetime, because they betrayed you and they are able to “identify, confess and feel true remorse” for this betrayal? For myself, this is the wisdom key…Do they understand, and regret with remorse, or do I? Regardless, forgiveness is the best medicine if this is the case, or any case, for we pray for those who “KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO”
We all need to love ourselves, a little more, through mistakes, imperfection, false body image, or low self-esteem. This is almost what we do to ourselves if we allow the person who has betrayed us, to repeat the behavior over and over again, and stay in the relationship, personal or otherwise.
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