excuses

REASONS OR EXCUSES?

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What is the difference between a reason and an excuse?  The words may sound similar, but there is actually a big difference between the two.  A reason has sound factual evidence behind it.  Reasoning is based on logic.  Reasons aren’t hard to understand.  Have you ever noticed when someone is half lying, they talk more than necessary?  They go into great detail to explain for example why they can’t accompany you to the cinema.  If you hear this type of detail, it might behoove you to listen very hard to what they are actually saying.  Using this example, I will explain the difference between reasons and excuses.  I ask Sally to go to the cinema with me.  I begin to get a long, drawn out explanation of why Sally cannot go.  She has to clean her house.  She has promised her mother she will call that evening.  She told the neighbor also that she would stop over.  What I just wrote, was a series of excuses.  The “reason” Sally doesn’t want to go to the cinema, is because she dislikes classical music.  Sally’s excuses are she must clean her house, call her mother and visit the neighbor.  

Let us take a look at the definition of reasons from the Webster Dictionary:  1.  a cause, explanation or justification for an action or event.  2.  Good or obvious cause to do something.  3.  find an answer to a problem considering various, possible solutions.  4.  Persuade with rational argument.  

Daily Wisdom Words definition of reasons:  Sound, just, motives with factual backing based on logistics of the problem one can’t follow through with something.  

I am going to help you differentiate the difference between an excuse and a reason today.  Much of your answer will be shown through the following:

1.  for you to determine if someone is giving you an excuse or they have a sound, just reason for their answer to your search for the truth, you must do what is called, “active listening”.   Let Sally finish with portions of her excuse, and as you listen, she will give too many justifications as to why she can’t follow through with something.

2.  Drama.  excuses tend to have much more excitement and issues than reasons.  Reasons are just the simple, facts.  Excuses, like being late for work, involve things like, “my dog Jasper got sick all over my carpet just as I was leaving.”  “My car would not start.” I don’t know what I am going to do with this old car of mine.  Last week I lost my keys”.  The reason in this case is unknown but it is very simple if I had to guess.  Sally simply slept in a few minutes longer than she should have

3.  The blame game-This is a good one that shifts responsibility from the person offering the excuse providing an extra layer of protection for their excuse by blaming why they can’t be a part of your request on another person.  You will hear these types of excuses when a person is concerned they may be hurting your feelings.  

I find it fascinating that by actively listening and watching out for the above, you truly can tell the difference between an excuse verses a sound, logical reason.  This is of course not 100 percent accurate.  If I were a betting person, however, I would go with these examples and feel pretty comfortable that I can figure out the difference between a reason and an excuse. 

Thanks so much for reading today.  Have a beautiful and blessed day…Want to read more of these articles?  I do not have the only blog on our community website.  Join our writing community today for half off or $5.  WE WILL MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER WHETHER YOU ARE AN #AUTHOR, #POET, #SONGWRITER, OR #BLOGGER!  ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PARTICIPATE!!  Speaking of this, how do you feel about what you just read?  Do you think you will have better luck telling the difference between a reason or an excuse?  Just beneath this article, you will see the “join the discussion” area!!  Please, let me know what you think.  Do you agree or disagree with what I have written?  Leave a comment, poem or quote about reasons or excuses.

 

 

 

RESTRICTIONS

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Life is full of them-restrictions and rules.  Most of these rules or restrictions are laws that we follow through our justice system.  We must follow these restrictions and rules to get along in society.  These types of restrictions are not the ones I am referring to as we all must follow them to avoid breaking laws that govern us.  The kind of restrictions I want to talk about today are those restrictions and rules or beliefs we set out for ourselves to follow.  For example, I may have it set in my mind that I can’t lift over 10 pounds of weight when working out.  This may be true or have been true at some point in our lives, but in all reality, this rule or restriction we place upon ourselves, is limiting us from achieving new goals. These limit our achievements in life and our achievements in success.  I am NOT talking about the restrictions a doctor has placed on us for our own safety.  I am talking about restrictions for no reason other than self-doubt we place upon ourselves.  If we’re not able to do something exercise-wise because of a health restriction then we have to follow the restrictions set in place by our doctor.  Restrictions should never be set by ourselves not to move past without getting stronger or closer towards the goals we wish to reach.  

Let us take a look at the meaning of restrictions from our Webster Dictionary as well as the DWW meaning of restrictions.

Webster Dictionary Meaning of Restrictions-1.  A limiting condition or measure, especially a legal one.  2.  The limitation or control of someone or something, or the state of being limited or restricted.

DWW Definition-The limitations we place on ourselves based on what we believe to be true often set from a position of fear or weakness.  

Restrictions play a role in many other aspects of our lives.  There are restrictions in speed with our cars when driving.  These are restrictions that are good for us.  Restrictions placed on us by ourselves are the kind of restrictions I am referring to if they hinder us from our goals and dreams.  These are the kinds of restrictions we use excuses to create.  When we find ourselves using excuses with restrictions, then perhaps these restrictions are ones we should second guess.  Today as your thinking, ask yourself:  Am I placing a self-imposed restriction on myself, or is it necessary for my safety?  You may find you are using them to create an excuse not to do something you could be doing. 

Thanks for reading about restrictions today.  Have a blessed and beautiful day.  Samantha Leboeuf/DWW

 

 

 

 

RATIONALIZATION

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Why do we rationalize our behaviors and actions?

Rationalization happens when we need to justify our own actions, or those actions of another.  October is:  NATIONAL DOMESTIC ABUSE AWARENESS MONTH.  As you might have noticed, my poetry and my daily wisdom words can and do relate to abuse in some way.  

Let us look at the meaning of rationalization in our Webster Dictionary.

Rationalization-The action of attempting to explain or justify behavior or an attitude with logical reasons, even if they are not appropriate. 

Daily Wisdom Word Definition of Rationalization-those things we tell ourselves are okay, even when we know they are not, such as justifying someone’s behavior.  

Our last daily wisdom word was justification. Justification is slightly different from rationalisation.  Rationalisation is more obvious, and justification is an excuse well disguised and sometimes with merit.  

Why do we feel the need to rationalize?  We feel the need to rationalize  or make excuses as a defense mechanism  to justify behavior.  Rationalization is also known as a formal fallacy.  A formal fallacy is a flaw in the structure of a deductive argument which renders the argument valid. (Martin Boudry).   Women or men in abusive relationships become masters at rationalization.  At the end of the day, however, the fallacy of their argument can never be validated.  Rationalization is a common defense mechanism for the abuser more than the abused.

Why do we put up with abusive relationships and rationalization?  The answer is more simple than you might think.  We have a low self esteem to begin with when we meet individuals like this which is why we don’t see through them to begin with.  I believe that with each time we allow the justifications, and rationalizations of the abuser keep us in this abusive relationship, it continually chips away at any self-worth and self -esteem we have left.  

As mentioned in my previous post on justification, then the “cyclical role” of the abuser also comes into the picture.  We believe them or at least tell ourselves we do, when we listen to their excuses  and justifications.  We hear things like this:  1.  It will never happen again . (If this is our second or third time around with the abusers cyclical behavior, we know logically, this is not true.  We remain in denial if we accept this excuse.  2.  I will get help or go to anger management classes-If you are the abused, and you see change, and work on the abuser’s end to get help and come out of denial on his or her end, than consider grace and forgiveness verses abuse.  The person you love is sick.  1 out of 4 women in the United States are either actively being abused or have been abused or stalked or engaged in violence with their partner.  3.  I found myself losing my temper because, I didn’t sleep well or I had a bad day. (logical excuses) and finally, 4.  If “YOU” had done things the way I asked you to, we would never be in this situation.  (You have finally crossed over the line with your abuser.  He is now blaming you, (control) for being abused by him.

Please, if you find yourself needing help, get help.  Here are some options you can make to take baby steps towards a plan to exit the situation if your not strong enough to leave your abusive situation. 

1.  Educate yourself-  https://www.thehotline.org

2.  Pack a to go bag

3.  talk to someone you feel is safe 

Thanks so much for reading about rationalization today.  Please scroll down beneath this post and leave a comment, quote or poem about rationalization.  I would appreciate the comment, and it would be healthy for you to start making that change necessary to live your life in a normal, happy manner, or for others to read about a healthy relationship your in.  

Please, if you need help, sign up for daily wisdom words today, become a member, and schedule an anonymous appointment to speak to Neel or myself.  We appreciate you and would love to have you be a part of our family.

Samantha Leboeuf/DWW

other helpful daily wisdom words:  http://dailywisdomwords.com/identity/