Why do we use justifications? What causes us to need them? Do we feel defensive in some way about our position or something we have said?
Let us take a look at the meaning of justifications in our Webster Dictionary.
Justifications-1. The action of showing something to be right or reasonable . 2. Good reason for doing something or something that has been done 3. The action of declaring or making safe in the eyes of God
Daily Wisdom Words Definition of justifications-1. The act of defending one’s actions to ourselves or another.
Justifications is a word I chose for the month of October as well. Justifications play a role in any form of abuse and why, after it happening, we stay around, or rather how we stay around. Justifications are the self-talk we tell ourselves when we know inside our heart what we are doing isn’t right, but we want it to be so, very badly. We “help” find supporting, logical justifications that give us vindication for where we stand and what or who we are standing up for.
October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and justifications are what we tell ourselves in order to “justify staying.”
Reasons why we justify staying in a physically abusive relationship-(World Wide)
1. Religion or cultural background-The Koran, when taken into word for word meaning, as well as the bible more so in the old testament seem to justify the power men “should” have over women, and that they are the guide and protector. I have yet to see that the Bible or Koran justifies beating and bruising a woman physically. In Catholicism, you must get permission from your churches Elders before a divorce can be granted under the eyes of the church. (This is part of the reason you can quote me saying this quite often.) “Church or Religion- and God are two completely different things”.
2. Fear-sometimes a person is literally afraid of what will happen should they leave the relationship. Along with fear, we also stay in abusive relationships out of embarrassment or shame. We have a lifetime of justifications we have told ourselves, and we actually can believe abuse is a part of a normal relationship.
3. Cycle of Abuse-The next excuse or justification we stay in abusive relationships in due to its Cyclical form uncovered under the surface of the issue. Cycle of abuse, for example goes something like this: a. physical abuse from our abuser b. remorse and regret and sincere disgust the abuser feels about his/her behavior. c. Honeymoon Period, also described as a cooling off period in which the abuser seems completely normal and even treats you better than other examples you see from other relationships. Remember: Behind this for the abuser is “Guilt”, and this will soon end, and another cycle of abuse begins!
4. Financial reasons-This excuse is one of the main reasons why we stay in healthier relationships as well. We cannot financially stand on our own two feet. Once, while talking to a friend, she was talking about dropping her “married friend”off at another man’s home who had no intention of ending her marriage. The way my friend said it, with no difference in her tone or cadance made me question her sanity for a moment. I even asked her why she didn’t think that it was a big deal to bring her friend over to the other man’s home. She was not able to give me a concrete answer that I found made sense.
5. Disability Reasons-A disabled person stays with someone who is verbally/physically abusive because they feel their disability leaves them with little choice for change. Yes, it is harder to leave. However, with the right support system, any situation can be handled.
Every single reason above, requires justification on behalf of the person who is being abused to continue to “stay in play”. Change happens, when the pain of staying, becomes greater than that of making a change. We see change happen when a person reaches this point.
Justification of Abuse happens every second in many relationships that appear normal on the outside, and if we knew what went on behind closed doors, we would be shocked and call ourselves nieve. Listed immediately below this post is the contact number for a person who needs help. USE IT if your in this kind of relationship and your ready to stop with the justifications.
You may not quite be at the point where your ready to call this hotline but feel you need support to get you over the hump. If your a part of the Daily Wisdom Words Community, and a signed up member, Neel and myself handle our “wise advice” page. You can submit online a cry for help, and can choose to stay anonymous. You will also have the choice with our wise advice form to have your advice given by Neel oe myself. Please reach out to us at: dailywisdomwords/wise-advice. 303-332-5607. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS IMPORTANT POST, AND I ASK YOU TO COMMENT IN OUR COMMENTS SECTION AT THE VERY BOTTOM OF THIS POST, AND SHARE THIS ARTICLE WITH ANOTHER YOU FEEL IT MAY APPLY TO.
Thanks so much, Samantha/DWW