abuse

EMOTIONAL AND ABUSE

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Have you heard of the term ’emotional abuse’? It may some sound weird to you but it does exist in our present age and time. You may not know by the name but you definitely have experienced it one way or another.

I came across it today while driving to the immigration office situated in Lagos State, Nigeria. It was boldly inked on a placard that was meant to sensitize every passerby and I want to believe that it is working.

Let’s cut down to the chase. I’ll start by defining the emotional abuse. Based on my research and findings I have this to say about the term emotional abuse: it is act of overpowering one verbally by means of insults, sarcastic remarks, threats, and control. 

I have my story to tell and I am sure you have yours as well. Let us talk about it on Daily Wisdom Words Picture Writing Exercise. Yes, let’s talk about it on Daily Wisdom Words Picture Writing Exercise.

Don’t be scared. No one will bite. I am ABUH MONDAY ENEOJO.  I will be your host.

  • See picture
  • Compose a poem inspired by picture with words in the title, emotional and abuse.
  • Use #DWWPWE
  • Share with us via comment box below.

Related article:

How to Recognize the Signs of Mental and Emotional Abuse

 

 

DOMETIC VIOLENCE – PART 2 (MALES) – REPOST

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“…Sexual abuse is no object to age, gender or sexual orientation.”
-Journalist Justina Bakutyte

In the first part of this post, I explored some possible reasons why people who are abused stay in those relationships longer than a person looking on from the outside might think they should.

In this part, it’s my intent to explore that subject further but with one difference. This post will focus on a lesser discussed topic; males who are abused.

Read more

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE – PART 1 (REPOST)

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“It is better to break your own heart by leaving an abusive relationship rather than having that person break your heart every day.”
-Unknown

How many times have you either said or heard someone you know say:

“He/she hits me but really does love me.”
“That’s not him/her, that’s just the anger. It’ll get better soon”
“I should try to be a better person.”

Read more

BULLIES

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OUR DAILY WISDOM WORD TODAY IS BULLIES. A BULLY IS AN INFLATED BIG BALL OF AIR THAT IS OFTEN MORE TALK THAN ACTION.  OFTEN, THEY ENJOY HOLDING POWER OUTSIDE OF THEIR HOME BECAUSE THEIR HOMELIFE FEELS OUT OF CONTROL.  IN FACT, IF THEY WERE NOT SO HURTFUL TOWARDS US, WE WOULD PROBABLY FEEL SORRY FOR THEM.  THEY WOULD BE A BITTER AND SAD PILL TO BE MADE TO SWALLOW.   BULLIES ARE OFTEN LONELY AND HAVE LEARNED THEIR BEHAVIOR TOWARDS WHOMEVER THEIR BULLYING FROM SOMEONE IN AN AUTHORITARIAN POSITION INSIDE THEIR WORLD.  WHEN THE LEADERSHIP WE HOLD DEAR TO OUR HEART HAS THE HEART OF A BULLY, RATHER THAN GET TRAMPLED, WE TEND TO MIMIC THE BEHAVIOR.  SADLY, A BULLY IS BORN EVERY DAY. 

SOMEONE WITHIN THE HOUSEHOLD WON’T STOP BULLYING THEM, SO THEY HAVE NO WAY TO VENT OR DIFFUSE THEIR ANGER.  THEREFORE, WHAT WE SEE FROM THEM IS A NEGATIVE BEHAVIORAL ATTITUDE GAINING ATTENTION BY “ACTING TOUGH AND ROUGH”.  I AM PAINTING JUST ONE PICTURE OF A BULLY.   BULLIES COME IN ALL SHAPES, AGES, AND SIZES SO YOU VERY WELL MAY DEAL WITH A BULLY WHEN YOUR GROWN.  I HAVE BUMPED ACROSS MY SHARE.  I VIEW MY CHILDHOOD AS A MISERABLE ONE FOR THE MOST PART.  THE HAPPIEST MEMORIES I HAD GOING BACK TO CHILDHOOD, WAS TIME SPENT WITH MY LITTLE SISTER, JENNY.  JENNY NEVER MADE ME FEEL SHE WOULD NEED TO BULLY ME IN ORDER TO PLAY WITH ME.  WE SIMPLY JUST, “WERE”.  I THINK OUTSIDE OF MY INTERACTION WITH HER, I SPENT MOST OF MY CHILDHOOD BULLIED IS ONE FORM OR ANOTHER. 

I THINK SOMETIMES WHEN WE DO NOT LEARN A LESSON WE ARE MEANT TO LEARN, IT MAY GET REPACKAGED, BUT IT PRESENTS ITSELF TO US IF WE ARE INDEED SUPPOSED TO LEARN IT OVER AND OVER.  THE BULLIES IN MY LIFE WERE MANY.  ELEMENTARY SCHOOL WAS FILLED WITH ONE I REMEMBER BECAUSE SHE WAS VERY MUCH LIKE A GHOST.   SHE CONTINUALLY HAUNTED ME.  I WAS THE PERFECT “VICTIM” ALREADY FEELING GAUDY AND INSECURE AS EACH YEAR PASSED ME BY.  I NEVER THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS ATTRACTIVE.  INSIDE I SUFFERED FROM SEVERE LONELINESS, OFTEN FEELING MISUNDERSTOOD. 

MY BULLY HAD ANOTHER NAME.   HER NAME WAS MICHELLE AND SHE CONVENIENTLY LIVED RIGHT NEXT STORE TO US.  HER STEPSISTER WAS ALSO MY BEST FRIEND NAMED KAREN.  I THINK KAREN FELT AMUSED WATCHING FROM THE SIDELINES.  SHE NEVER INTERCEDED BUT STOOD ON THE SIDELINES WATCHING.  HOWEVER, I VALUED OUR FRIENDSHIP SO I UNDERSTOOD WHY AND MADE EXCUSES FOR HER NEVER TELLING AN ADULT  ABOUT SHELLY’S ABUSE TELLING MYSELF SHE DIDN’T TELL ON MICHELLE SO WE COULD CONTINUE TO BE “BEST FRIENDS”. 

FUNNY HOW THE GRUDGES FROM CHILDHOOD MEMORIES LEAVE SCARS THAT STICK AROUND PERMANENTLY.   SHELLY HELPED ME IN ONE WAY BY PREPARING ME FOR OTHER BULLIES I WOULD HAVE TO COPE IN THE VERY NEAR FUTURE THAT WOULD BE EVEN WORSE THAN HER.  GUILT WOULD ALLOW THE BULLIES THEIR KEY TO MY DOOR I HAD LOCKED. 

FOR KICKS, LET US TAKE A LOOK AT THE WEBSTER MEANING OF A BULLY.   

WEBSTER DEFINITION OF A BULLY-1.  A BLUSTERING, BROWBEATING PERSON ESPECIALLY ONE WHO IS HABITUALLY CRUEL, INSULTING, OR THREATENING TO OTHERS WHO ARE WEAKER, SMALLER, OR IN SOME WAY VULNERABLE TO THEM. 

DAILY WISDOM WORD MEANING OF BULLY-A PERSON WHO USES FEAR, INTIMIDATION, PHYSICAL AGGRESSION, AND/OR MENTAL ABUSE GIVING THEMSELVES SOME SEMBLANCE OR MODICUM OF CONTROL IN THEIR OWN CHAOTIC LIFE.  MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, A BULLY DOES AS A BULLY IS TAUGHT TO DO.   

FINALLY, BY UNDERSTANDING A BULLY YOU WILL HAVE THE POWER TO DEAL WITH ONE.  DID YOU LIKE WHAT YOU READ ABOUT TODAY AND OUR DAILY WISDOM WORD, “BULLY”?  IF SO, THIS INTERNATIONAL WRITING COMMUNITY MAY BE THE VERY THING YOU NEED TO BECOME THE BEST WRITER POSSIBLE!  WITH ARTICLES FROM THE “DAILY WISDOM WORDS BLOG, WISDOMOLOGY, WISE POETS AND AUTHORS OF PRESENT AND PAST, COMMUNITY WRITING, CASH POETRY CONTESTS, ABILITY TO CREATE YOUR VERY OWN PERSONAL PROFILE PAGE UPLOADING PICS OF YOUR WORK, ability to JOIN GROUPS, SEND FRIEND REQUESTS, POST TO TWITTER, FACEBOOK, LINKED IN AND REDDIT WITH A SNAP AND SO MUCH MORE, INCLUDING A WRITERS COMMUNITY WITH AN INTERNATIONAL MEMBER BASE, JOIN NOW! 

FOR A LIMITED TIME, JOIN FOR TEN DOLLARS FOR LIFE!  A TEN DOLLAR INVESTMENT WITH FREE ADVOCATE COUNSELING OFFERED TO ALL MEMBERS?  THIS IS WHERE YOU WANT TO BE!!  SIGN UP NOW ON OUR WEBSITE AT:   HTTPS://WWW.DAILYWISDOMWORDS.COM AND CLICK ON ANY PAGE, “BECOME A MEMBER!!  LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF TODAY’S ARTICLE DIRECTLY BELOW WHERE YOU SEE, “JOIN THE DISCUSSION”.  LEAVE COMMENTS, REQUESTS, START UP A CONVERSATION ALL IN THIS AREA!  THANKS AND HAVE A BLESSED DAY.  SAMANTHA

 

OTHER ARTICLES YOU MAY ENJOY:  http://dailywisdomwords.com/daily-wisdom-words/isolation-how-are-you-coping/

SUBJUGATION “DO YOU FEEL YOU ARE A VICTIM OF IT?”

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DO YOU THINK WE HAVE WITNESSED SUBJUGATION RECENTLY?  BEFORE WE DELVE INTO THIS, WHAT DOES THE WORD “SUBJUGATION” MEANS IN LAW BOTH IN OUR WEBSTER DICTIONARY AND OUR DAILY WISDOM WORDS DEFINITION.

Webster Dictionary Meaning of subjugation-1.  The act of bringing someone or something under domination or control. 

Daily Wisdom Words Definition-1.  The act of controlling or suppressing democracy or exerting undue power or will over another when in a position of power to do so.

Subjugation happens when the democratic freedom afforded to us under the Constitution of the United States is violated in some way.  We experience subjugation when we have our right to “peacefully protest” while following the law.  Most laws have the power of state law which can vary depending on the state you live in.  However, Constitutional Law supersedes these state laws unless the safety or welfare of another person(s)  is at risk.  If a group were following the law of the constitution which allows them the “right to peacefully protest” with peace being the operative group, it would make sense why we need to respect this despite the role of power a government agency has or any group or other’s who obstruct the will of the people in our Constitution. 

The operational word in suppression  of one’s power as a group or single entity to protest peacefully, is predicated conducting a protest in a peaceful manner. The constitution is very clear about inciting violence or direct behavior provoking it.  What we have seen over the past years is a violation of our constitution in recent cases.  We wrote the will of the people long ago and when it is violated it violates our right to democracy.  I don’t wish to point fingers in this post.   My wish is bigger.  It is simply to remind us of our basic rights afforded under our constitution if we are following the rules such as protesting peacefully also set forth.  We have seen this happen in recent times too many times.  Once the constitution has been breached, it becomes easier to break these rights we all have in America.  I have also witnessed this in recent years.  We must exert strength always to protect the constitution of the USA.  If we don’t, the constitution becomes no more than a piece of paper.  

Subjugation should never be about political beliefs.  We as people whether we are Democrats or Republicans have these rights afforded to aour constitution.  When we hear the police are spraying poisonous gas at a crowd when holding a position of political power, we are practicing subjugation.  If the people are following our constitution doing nothing but practicing non-violent actions to get a message across they consider important to us and themselves, the constitution allows for this.  This could not be more fundamental and basic. Not upholding these basic rights given to us by our forefathers is to violate our constitution if we are following the law without being the direct cause of violence.  We live in this country because of these freedom these simple truths we believe today and once wrote down in our Constitution or the United States of America, “Home to the brave and Land of the Free”. 

For subjugation to happen, a person(s) or entity of power must exist.  The constitution does not allow us to incite violence when protesting or disrupt others peaceful rights while protesting.  It is very specific and clear.  Our constitution is our basis of truth when fine lines become blurry upholding this truth.  This division of people we are experiencing currently is the worst it has ever been.  This is because someone in a position of power was allowed to violate our constitution in some way.  Please leave a comment about our Daily Wisdom Word today allowing me to comment back.  It is okay if you disagree with me.  I want to hear from you, the people.  Thanks so much, Samantha-Founder  Daily Wisdom Words-dailywisdomwords.com/

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Abusive Relationships – Part 2 (Males)

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“…Sexual abuse is no object to age, gender or sexual orientation.”
-Journalist Justina Bakutyte

In the first part of this post, I explored some possible reasons why people who are abused stay in those relationships longer than a person looking on from the outside might think they should.

In this part, it’s my intent to explore that subject further but with one difference. This post will focus on a lesser discussed topic; males who are abused.

Read more

Abuse – Part 2 coming tomorrow

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Dear friends,

I was all set to upload the next part of yesterday’s post when there came a roadblock, albeit a postive one.

A male friend of mine who was a victim of domestic violence agreed to tell his story anonymously.

As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, the second part is exclusively focused on male victims so when my friend finally agreed (with two days of gentle coaxing) I thought it would be foolish not to include it.

His courage to speak out also inspired me to write about an isolated incident I was involved in nearly twelve years ago which I have never spoken about to anyone before.

As always, thank you for reading and stay tuned,

Neel

Abusive Relationships – Part 1

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“It is better to break your own heart by leaving an abusive relationship rather than having that person break your heart every day.”
-Unknown

How many times have you either said or heard someone you know say:

“He/she hits me but really does love me.”
“That’s not him/her, that’s just the anger. It’ll get better soon”
“I should try to be a better person.”

Read more

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Dear readers,

Thank you, as always, for taking the time to read my posts as well as tons of other wonderful content on this site.

Because October is the month for domestic violence awareness, I am preparing a special two-part post for tomorrow and Saturday which will not only talk about this issue but also feature quotes, albeit anonymously, from people who have been involved in an abusive relationship.

My friends and colleagues on this site have already written about this subject recently and I feel I should contribute my two cents as well as domestic violence is a topic that cannot nor should ever be ignored or taken lightly.

Thank you again for reading my posts and all your support,

Neel

JUSTIFICATIONS

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Why do we use justifications?  What causes us to need them?  Do we feel defensive in some way about our position or something we have said?

Let us take a look at the meaning of justifications in our Webster Dictionary.  

Justifications-1.  The action of showing something to be right or reasonable . 2.  Good reason for doing something or something that has been done  3.  The action of declaring or making safe in the eyes of God

Daily Wisdom Words Definition of justifications-1.  The act of defending one’s actions to ourselves or another. 

Justifications is a word I chose for the month of October as well.  Justifications play a role in any form of abuse and why, after it happening, we stay around, or rather how we stay around.  Justifications are the self-talk we tell ourselves when we know inside our heart what we are doing isn’t right, but we want it to be so, very badly.  We “help” find supporting, logical justifications that give us vindication for where we stand and what or who we are standing up for. 

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and justifications are what we tell ourselves in order to “justify staying.”

Reasons why we justify staying in a physically abusive relationship-(World Wide)

1.  Religion or cultural background-The Koran, when taken into word for word meaning, as well as the bible more so in the old testament seem to justify the power men “should”  have over women, and that they are the guide and protector.  I have yet to see that the Bible or Koran justifies beating and bruising a woman physically.  In Catholicism, you must get permission from your churches Elders before a divorce can be granted under the eyes of the church.  (This is part of the reason you can quote me saying this quite often.) “Church or Religion- and God are two completely different things”.

2.  Fear-sometimes a person is literally afraid of what will happen should they leave the relationship.  Along with fear, we also stay in abusive relationships out of embarrassment or shame.  We have  a lifetime of justifications we have told ourselves, and we actually can believe abuse is a part of a normal relationship.

3.  Cycle of Abuse-The next excuse or justification we stay in abusive relationships in due to its Cyclical form uncovered under the surface of the issue.  Cycle of abuse, for example goes something like this:  a.  physical abuse from our abuser b.  remorse and regret and sincere disgust the abuser feels about his/her behavior.  c.  Honeymoon Period, also described as a cooling off period in which the abuser seems completely normal and even treats you better than other examples you see from other relationships.  Remember:  Behind this for the abuser is “Guilt”, and this will soon end, and another cycle of abuse begins!

4.  Financial reasons-This excuse is one of the main reasons why we stay in healthier relationships as well.  We cannot financially stand on our own two feet.  Once, while talking to a friend, she was talking about dropping her “married friend”off at another man’s home who had no intention of ending her marriage.  The way my friend said it, with no difference in her tone or cadance made me question her sanity for a moment.  I even asked her why she didn’t think that it was a big deal to bring her friend over to the other man’s home.  She was not able to give me a concrete answer that I found made sense.  

5.  Disability Reasons-A disabled person stays with someone who is verbally/physically abusive because they feel their disability leaves them with little choice for change.  Yes, it is harder to leave.  However, with the right support system, any situation can be handled.

Every single reason above, requires justification on behalf of the person who is being abused to continue to “stay in play”.  Change happens, when the pain of staying, becomes greater than that of making a change.  We see change happen when a person reaches this point.  

Justification of Abuse happens every second in many relationships that appear normal on the outside, and if we knew what went on behind closed doors, we would be shocked and call ourselves nieve.  Listed immediately below this post is the contact number for a person who needs help.  USE IT if your in this kind of relationship and your ready to stop with the justifications.  

You may not quite be at the point where your ready to call this hotline but feel you need support to get you over the hump.  If your a part of the Daily Wisdom Words Community, and a signed up member, Neel and myself handle our “wise advice” page.  You can submit online a cry for help, and can choose to stay anonymous.  You will also have the choice with our wise advice form to have your advice given by Neel oe myself.  Please reach out to us at:  dailywisdomwords/wise-advice.  303-332-5607.  THANK YOU FOR READING THIS IMPORTANT POST, AND I ASK YOU TO COMMENT IN OUR COMMENTS SECTION AT THE VERY BOTTOM OF THIS POST, AND SHARE THIS ARTICLE WITH ANOTHER YOU FEEL IT MAY APPLY TO.

Thanks so much, Samantha/DWW

Abuse Help/other sources  /outsidelinks

 

http://dailywisdomwords.com/suffering/

 

 

 

 

National Domestic Abuse Hotline-1-512-453-8117