Do you feel in your life today, you have everything under, “control”?  What would you say if I told you Control, was an “illusion”, we place meaning and belief in, so we can live in a comfort zone?

First of all, I know if I am hosting a birthday party for example, there are certain things I “think” I can control.

I can order food from a catering service, but what IF, on the way to my house, the catering truck got a flat tire, or the engine died.? Think about what I am saying.  Yes, we can organize and plan, but we don’t control the “things” that go on in this world that weren’t a direct cause/effect from us.  WE also don’t control other people! or their behavior!

Too often, in life, we try to control, another’s behavior.  Too often in life, we “micromanage” a situation, that completely comes undone, due to outside circumstances.

There is someone in my life I respect immensely, but she tries to ” control’ how I drive, or what I need to do to keep me safe, with warnings of what time we should leave to avoid a car accident.  I am using an example to explain that not “everything” by any means is within our control!

Have you ever wondered where “control” comes from?  What we can control? The answer is our personal behavior.  WE can take accountability for our actions, both good and bad, and always,stay cognizant of what we are doing and how it affects others.  Honestly, that isn’t very much, in reality, but, if we lived this way, focusing, on all that we can’t control, we choose to live in FEAR..

What is FEAR?  I have the acronym I think of often, I have heard since I took my first job at 19 years old:
False Evidence Appearing Real.  I think of fear as this because if I allowed every little fear I had, control my life I wouldn’t go out of my house!  I think we magnify fear, and we decide how much we will let it dominate our lives.  Fear is necessary in some cases, to stop us from hurting ourselves, or avoiding a dangerous situation.

When we take the hand of fear, I think we need to take the rest of us and focus on faith.  We can plan.  We implement clever strategies in every situation to create an environment, that we do have some control over.
We can organize the event we are planning, and hope for the best.  WE then are exercising a modicum of self control.

However, there are surprising things ahead of us that will change the meaning of control all over again. Because of the brain scan studies being done, we have discovered some interesting things:  WE can control our knowledge.  Did you know if we don’t know the specific NAME of a color,, we will not recognize the color when we look at it, as it doesn’t register in the brain.  There are people and things, some good, some bad, regarding control, in our research being done today.

I am sure everyone has heard abut the subliminal messages, played in specific commercials, telling the consumer to buy a product.  Perhaps there is a way to turn this ability around and use it for the positive.

Last, despite all of these things, our self control is so valuable to us.  There are certain things that affect our self control, depending on how weak or strong we are utilizing it.   Our self-control can be weak or affected by three things:  addiction, abuse, and our emotions.  However it can be strong, when sticking to a regimented program, and a habit pattern is established for new behavior.

In other words, lets say you were madly in love with someone, and he told you he never wanted to see you again, but the relationship had run hot and cold from the start, so over time,  your “emotions” affect your ability to control your reactions to these words.  I know that you can probably guess the rest of the story.

Keep in mind, that science, is working on various ways more and more, to study and map the areas of the brain that do each specific thing, and all of this research will lead to better “choices we make” in our future.

Choices and control.  Respond, don’t react.  Another thing the brain responds to? New habits leading to new Habit Patterns that hopefully are better choices for our life!  The good news is we can train our brain just like a muscle to use better self control so we don’t end up making a spontaneous mistake;  one we can never take back, nor the ramifications and rippling affect on ourselves and other from its consequences….SL

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