guilt

BLAME “THE BLAME GAME”

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OUR DAILY WISDOM WORD TODAY IS BLAME.  I HAVE AN ACRONYM FOR BLAME THAT I THINK OF EVERY TIME I HEAR THIS DAILY WISDOM WORD. BLAME. BLAME IS,  B-LINDLY L-ABELING  A-LLEGATIONS ERRONEOUSLY.  I THINK OF ALL THE TIMES I’VE BEEN BLAMED FOR THINGS I WAS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR, OR I BLAMED OTHERS FOR. 

THERE HAVE ALSO BEEN CASES WHERE I HAVE UNINTENTIONALLY BLAMED OTHERS FOR EVENTS THAT TRANSPIRED IN MY LIFE, I HONESTLY BELIEVED SOMEONE ELSE WAS TO BLAME FOR ACTIONS THAT I TOOK. IN CASES WHERE I HAVE BEEN BLAMED, I WAS VERY HURT AND FELT MISUNDERSTOOD. TRUTH IS A STRANGELY ONE THING THAT MOST OF THE TIME, OVER TIME.  

YES, MANY THINGS IN LIFE, WE AREN’T IN CONTROL OF, AND CAN’T CHANGE.  HOWEVER, WE CAN CHANGE OUR PERCEPTION AND STOP BLAMING OTHERS  THOSE FOR CHOICES WE )  THEY GAVE AWAY THEIR POWER OVER TIME TO THEIR PARTNER.  OFTENTIMES I HEAR THESE KINDS OF THINGS FROM THEM.  FOR EXAMPLE “I CAN’T GO THE BIRTHDAY PARTY.  HE WON’T ALLOW IT”.  THIS KILLS ME AS I KNOW THAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP HAS GOTTEN TO A CRITICAL STAGE AND IS UNHEALTHY. THEIR PARTNER CREATIVELY USES MIND GAMES CONVINCING THEM THEY ARE HAPPY IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. 

 LIFE DOESN’T OFTEN ALLOW CONTRADICTIONS SUCH AS “BLAMING OTHERS”.  TO FEEL COMPLETELY IN YOUR HEART ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN THE RELATIONSHIP IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE’S  FAULT, HOLDING NO RESPONSIBILITY  OR ACCOUNTABILITY, I SEE THEY ARE IN DENIAL AT THE VERY LEAST,  THEY CHOSE TO LISTEN TO SOMEONE THEY CLEARLY DON’T TRUST.  I BELIEVE THEIR PART, IS GIVING AWAY THEIR OWN POWER OR CONTROL OF CHOICE AND FREE WILL OVER THEIR OWN LIFE. 

MOST OF US SAY WE WANT TO BE SOMEONE IN CONTROL OF OUR  OWN DESTINY.   THE REASONS BEHIND NOT WANTING TO MAKE OUR OWN DECISIONS IS KNOWING IF WE  MAKE A MISTAKE WE MUST ACCEPT THE CONSEQUENCES.  THEY HAVE ARRIVED AT A NEW STAGE I,,  RELATIONSHIP SO MANY FRIENDS GET TO BEFORE EVER CONSIDERING GETTING OUT OF IT.  NOW, THEY HAVE GIVEN MUCH OF THEIR POWER OF CHOICE AND THEY FEEL THERE IS NO TURNING BACK. MOST OF THEM GIVE UP TRYING.  OFTEN TIMES THEY ARE FRIENDS THAT HAVE NO CLUE HOW THEY ARRIVED  IN THE SITUATION TO BEGIN WITH.  IF OUR LACK OF SELF CONFIDENCE IS EVIDENT OR  SUBCONSCIOUSLY WE FEEL A LACK OF CONFIDENCE,   WHAT WE SAY AND WHAT WE DO, ARE TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS. 

WE DON’T REALLY BELIEVE WE ARE IN A WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP. WE ATTRACT UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS THAT WE MISIDENTIFY TO BEGIN WITH.  IN THE LONG RUN, THE ABUSED HAS SETTLED INTO THIS ROUTINE MISTAKING IT AS NORMAL. WE SEE A “GOOD PERSON” UNABLE TO SEE THE MANIPULATION OR CHOOSING NOT TO SEE IT FROM THEIR PARTNER.   ALL SORTS OF JUSTIFICATIONS ARE MADE. WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT, THEY ARE MORE TERRIFIED TO BE ALONE THAN THEY ARE HAVING THEIR PARTNER ABUSE THEM.

GASLIGHTING,  IS USED BY THE ABUSER IN A RELATIONSHIP AS A TOOL USED TO CAST BLAME ON THE ABUSED.   IF POSSIBLE, THE POTENTIAL OUTCOME OF A DATE, LETS SAY, IS USED BY THE ABUSER TO FIND A WAY  TO BLAME THE ABUSED.  THIS OFTEN IS A MANIPULATIVE TECHNIQUE OR A FORM OF BLAME THEM, AFFECTING KEY AREAS OF ONESELF BEING MORE DAMAGED THAN THE ABUSED HAD BEEN BEFORE BEING IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. 

THE ABUSER USES SHAME OR BLAME SO THE ABUSED IS AT FAULT FOR WHATEVER THE ABUSER CAN GET AWAY WITH.  THE ABUSER, BY TEARING AT THE OTHERS “SELF-ESTEEM” TAKES POWER AWAY FROM THE ABUSED, WHO ALLOWS THEM TO TAKE AWAY ANY ABILITY TO CHOOSE .  THEY WILL BLAME THE ABUSED FOR THE ROOT CAUSE OF ALL PROBLEMS.  THIS IS ANOTHER FORM OF GASLIGHTING.  THE ABUSER IS A MASTER AT PUSHING THE OTHERS MIND CONTROL BUTTONS. 

HE WILL FOR EXAMPLE, SAY, “HURRY UP, WE DON’T WANT TO BE LATE.”  THE RESPONSE FROM THE ABUSED IS, “I WILL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE” AND SHE OR HE IS.  THE ABUSER WILL THEN SAY, “I AM NOT GOING”.  THIS IS A GOOD EXAMPLE OF HOW A MANIPULATIVE OR NARCISSISTIC PARTNER WILL HANDLE MOST SITUATIONS ESPECIALLY  IF WE ARE NOT AWARE OF WHAT THEY ARE DOING OR CHOOSE TO OVERLOOK IT . THEY ULTIMATELY BELIEVE THEY ARE TO BLAME FOR DESTROYING THE EVENING. 

THE GOOD NEWS IS THERE IS HOPE FOR ANY PERSON IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, FIRST, THEY MUST STOP JUSTIFYING WHY THEY MUST STAY AND  BEGIN SEEING THE TRUTH.  ANYONE CAN FIND HELP IF THEY REALLY WANT IT AND ARE READY TO BE STRONG ENOUGH TO GET OUT OF  ADDICTIVE ROLE OR HABIT PATTERN. THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING ABOUT BLAME TODAY!  I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR INPUT AND IDEAS OR THOUGHTS. BENEATH THIS POST IN THE ” JOIN THE DISCUSSION” AREA SO START A DISCUSSION THAT WILL RESULT IN A POSITIVE DIRECTION. USE OUR WISE ADVICE PAGE IF YOU NEED FURTHER HELP, WHERE WE CAN LISTEN AND DIRECT YOU TOWARDS A STEP BY STEP PROCESS TO GET OUT OF WHAT IS MAKING YOU UNHAPPY ALL OF THE TIME.

FOCUS ON THE SOLUTION, NOT THE PROBLEM.  SL

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PRESUMPTIONS “WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES?’

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OUR DAILY WISDOM WORD TODAY IS PRESUMPTIONS.   WHAT ARE PRESUMPTIONS AND HOW DO THEY AFFECT US?  WHEN WE PRESUME, WE ASSUME.  TO DECIDE WHAT A SCENARIO IS WITHOUT ALL THE FACTS, IS LIKE DECIDING TO GUESS ON A MATH QUIZ BECAUSE YOU ARE GOOD WITH MATH.  VALUABLE LESSONS AND HURT FEELINGS CAN COME FROM PRESUMPTIONS.  WHEN WE PRESUME SOMETHING ABOUT ANOTHER, WE TAKE ON A ROLE THAT PLACES US IN A POSITION OF JUDGING OTHERS.  LET US TAKE A LOOK OF THE MEANING OF PRESUMPTIONS IN OUR WEBSTER DICTIONARY AND OUR DAILY WISDOM WORD DEFINITION. 

WEBSTER DEFINITION OF PRESUMPTIONS-1.  AN INSTANCE OF TAKING SOMETHING TO BE TRUE OR ADOPTING A PARTICULAR ATTITUDE TOWARD SOMETHING.  2.  AN IDEA THAT IS TAKEN TO BE TRUE, AND OFTEN USED AS THE BASIS FOR OTHER IDEAS, ALTHOUGH IT IS NOT KNOWN FOR CERTAIN. 

DAILY WISDOM WORD DEFINITION OF PRESUMPTION.  THOUGHTS WE HAVE ABOUT SITUATIONS, CIRCUMSTANCES, AND OTHERS WHERE WE DRAW A CONCLUSION.  WE OFTEN PERCEIVE CIRCUMSTANCES WITHOUT HAVING ALL OF THE FACTS.  (THIS IS ESPECIALLY TRUE WHEN WE ARE DEALING WITH A STRANGER WE DON’T PERSONALLY KNOW.) 

AN ANALOGY OF PRESUMPTION WHICH IS VERY BASIC, EXPLAINS PRESUMPTION AND ASSUMPTION BEST. WE SEE A STACK OF RED BLOCKS BUILT IN A CERTAIN SHAPE OR DESIGN.  ONE BLOCK IS MISSING FROM THIS DESIGN.  WE ASSUME THE MISSING BLOCK IS RED TO COMPLETE THE PATTERN.  CHANCES ARE, WE ARE RIGHT.  HOWEVER, THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES.  WE HAVE LOGISTICALLY COMPLETED A PATTERN BASED OF WHAT WE DO NOT SEE RATHER THAN WAITING FOR THE WHOLE PATTERN TO BE REVEALED.  THIS ANALOGY DOESN’T TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION ONE’S FEELINGS AND HURT WHEN WE HAE PRESUMED SOMETHING TO BE TRUE.  

I AM ONE WHO OFTEN MAKES PRESUMPTIONS AND ASSUMPTIONS.  MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY OFTEN ASK ME TO SPECULATE ABOUT CIRCUMSTANCES.  I AM A VERY ANALYTICAL INDIVIDUAL, OFTEN TIMES BEING CORRECT WHEN I ASSUME.  HOWEVER, THIS REINFORCES THE “RED BLOCK” ANALOGY, AND SOMETIMES I CAN BE WRONG.  IT IS IRONIC WHEN  I INTERNALLY SPECULATE.  I AM WRONG WHEN IT COMES TO OTHERS FEELINGS LESS OFTEN THEN I AM RIGHT.  HOWEVER, THERE ARE  TIMES I AM WRONG IN MY SPECULATION.   OFTENTIMES THIS HAPPENS AND IT REMINDS  ME THAT OTHERS ARE NOT A SET OF BLOCKS WITH ONE BLOCK MISSING. MY PRESUMPTIONS CAN HURT OTHERS WHEN JUDGEMENT IS PASSED ON THEM WITHOUT ALL THE FACTS.  DAILYWISDOMWORDS.COM IS ABOUT MISTAKES AND LEARNING FROM THEM.    I PICK A WORD AND REFLECT ON HOW IT HAS IMPACTED MY LIFE.  I ALSO SEE IF I HAVE LEARNED A LESSON(S) FROM THIS AND ALSO ANALYZE WHAT I HAVE LEARNED. LIFE LESSONS ARE ALMOST NEVER LEARNED FROM A STUDY BOOK OR IN A CLASSROOM.  THEY ARE LEARNED THROUGH OUR MISTAKES AND OWNING UP TO THEM IN ORDER TO LEARN. 

“MISTAKES ARE THE LESSONS WE LEARN IN LIFE IF WE CHOOSE TO MAKE THEM  A LEARNING EXPERIENCE THERE WILL BE A POSITIVE THAT COMES FROM THE MISTAKE ITSELF.” IT IS OUR CHOICE  TO LOOK AT OUR MISTAKES, AND OUR PART IN THEM.  IN FACT, IT IS NECESSARY FOR OUR OWN GROWTH.”  OFTEN TIMES, WE REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKES OVER AND OVER AND EXPECT DIFFERENT RESULTS.  USING MYSELF AS THE EXAMPLE, WHAT COULD I DO DIFFERENTLY TO AVOID ISSUES WHILE SPECULATING OR ASSUMING?  I COULD FIRST OF ALL ONLY ASSUME OR PRESUME THOUGHTS ABOUT THE FACTS IN A SITUATION.  I COULD ALSO STILL MAKE SPECULATIONS ABOUT OTHER INDIVIDUALS WHEN FRIENDS AND FAMILY ASK ME, BUT BE VERY CLEAR THEY ARE JUST THAT:  ASSUMPTIONS OR PRESUMPTIONS.   I AM NOT A FORTUNE TELLER AND CAN’T READ OTHER’S MINDS.  I CAN STILL USE MY SKILLS OF PERCEPTION WARNING OTHERS WHO ASK ME FOR ADVICE I EASILY COULD BE WRONG. 

MAKING THE SAME MISTAKES OVER AND OVER IS ALSO REFERRED TO AS INSANITY.  NEVER PRESUME OR ASSUME A POSTURE SO FIRMLY IT DOES NOT ALLOW FOR A MARGIN OF ERROR.  NONE OF US REALLY KNOW HOW TO FULLY EVALUATE ANYONE OR ANY SITUATION WITHOUT KNOWING ALL THE FACTS.  IT ISN’T WORTH THE PAIN IT MAY CAUSE THOSE YOU PRESUME ARE XYZ WHEN THEY VERY WELL COULD BE JUST X.  THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING.  I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU ALL TO “JOIN THE DISCUSSION” BENEATH THIS POST.  YOU WILL BE SURPRISED AS WHAT YOU MAY TEACH OR LEARN BY TAKING PART!  I WANT EVERYONE TO BE PREPARED THAT READS THIS I MAY DISAPPEAR TO MY DAUGHTER’S WHO LIVES IN IDAHO AND IS DUE WITH HER SECOND BOY ANY DAY.  I WILL BE IDAHO BOUND TO SEE MY GRANDSON, #EASTON.  (LOVE THAT NAME, DO YOU?)

INNOCENCE

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HAVE YOU LOOKED IN THE EYES OF A CHILD RECENTLY?  SOMETIMES IT IS POSITIVE TO TAKE JUST A MOMENT AND LOOK AT “INNOCENCE” THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD.  INNOCENCE IS SOMETHING WE ARE BORN WITH.  INCAPABLE OF COMMITTING SIN, WE ARE BORN WITHOUT GUILT AND A SOUL, PERFECTLY INTACT. INNOCENCE APPEARS TO DWINDLE DAY BY DAY AS WE BEGIN TO AGE.  IN FACT, OFTEN LIFE IS SO DIFFICULT, WE LOSE ALL HOPE OF EVER REACHING OUT TO TOUCH INNOCENCE AS WE ONCE DID.   THE MORE sins we commit, the less innocent we stay.  

When I go to church is probably the closest I feel to innocence.  I feel like I have a new direction towards innocence when I go to church.  I feel that my soul gets purified, but prior to this, I feel regrets for all the mistakes I have made. Each mistake or enjoyment we have that is wrong to ourselves, carries literal “weight”.  “No matter how often we tell ourselves what we are doing isn’t hurting anyone, it still harms our soul of it purity.”

The regret I have are from the sins I’ve committed.  Perhaps I have hurt someone’s feelings and haven’t taken accountability for it. Perhaps I have justified my own sin and its burdens. Part of being innocent is being able to exercise forgiveness.  Before you can forgive others, you must learn to forgive yourself.  This requires honesty in your heart. Often the anger we are feeling toward others, is anger misdirected.  Perhaps underneath our blame towards others, we really blame ourselves.  Part of what creates innocence is knowing what simplicity is.  The innocent, our fabric of society, are always honest.  They aren’t capable of telling a lie.  They only know one thing;  how to tell the truth. 

My hope for each of us is that we can move as close to innocence as possible.  Have you ever noticed the more simple a lifestyle, the happier people seem?  You see, it is so true that the very things that can bring us pleasure, can often move us away from the feelings of wholesomeness and innocence.  Let us take a look at the definition of innocence now in our Webster Dictionary.  

Definition of innocence in the Webster Dictionary-1.  The state, quality, or fact of being innocent of a crime or offence.  2.  Lack of guile or corruption 3.  used euphemistically to refer to a person’s virginity. 

Daily Wisdom Words Definition of innocence-the feeling a child has before the process of corruption.  

Onc of the saddest things I ever have seen is a child approximately six years old, dressed in clothing barely bigger than that for a toddler in military outfits and a gun they are holding in their hand.  Their innocence they have such a limited time to enjoy anyway, is taken from them.  These children are victims of the saddest situation of all:  Wars they are forced to fight when they are taught to by adults. 

There are many ways to rob the innocence of a child.  When I see abuse or what I suspect is abuse with a child, my heart wrenches.  It is so very wrong, and the person administering the abuse is mentally sick themselves.  My point today on writing about innocence is enjoy it.  Relish is the feeling of innocence.  Consider more simplicity with your lifestyle.  The guilt associated with the pleasure we feel when we do something for short-term gain knowing no matter what justification we use that it is wrong, create the consequence of guilt.  Feeling guilt means you know the difference between right and wrong.  This is the opposite of violence.  

One  last thing I want to mention is the horrific acts that rob children of their innocence which go on in our world.  An act of violence as part of War is the most common of these violations and atrocities.  The most relevant of these cruelties towards children are the following:  1.  Recruitment of a child into war.   2.  Use of children in war. 3.  children being taught  how to kill. 4. sexual violence imposed on them 5.  abduction of a child. 6.  attacks on children when schools are bombed and hospitals demolished.  We can help to change this.  If each of us simply does one thing, (just one), I believe we can make changes for children helping them  from all six things I just listed.  You get more back than what it costs to give to a charity inside.  Perhaps you don’t have money.  Volunteer your time.  “Time can be our greatest ally or your worst enemy.”  We choose this. 

I wish in no way to lead others to believe I give of myself except through donations to charity and what I write.  I take the easy way out with prayer and send money to UNICEF for children, feeling most sorry for those children attacked in Syria during Chemical Warfare ordered in countries such as Syria by the leader of the country himself.  Life doesn’t have to be this ugly.  Let us do all we can to help others in small ways and big.  This is the closest you come to that amazing feeling of “innocence” with each good deed you do.  Do not confuse the feeling of innocence with naivety.  When we come closest to innocence, it is when we take positive action.  Thanks so much for reading.  Samantha Leboeuf

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