OUR DAILY WISDOM WORD TODAY IS BLAME. I HAVE AN ACRONYM FOR BLAME THAT I THINK OF EVERY TIME I HEAR THIS DAILY WISDOM WORD. BLAME. BLAME IS, B-LINDLY L-ABELING A-LLEGATIONS ERRONEOUSLY. I THINK OF ALL THE TIMES I’VE BEEN BLAMED FOR THINGS I WAS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR, OR I BLAMED OTHERS FOR.
THERE HAVE ALSO BEEN CASES WHERE I HAVE UNINTENTIONALLY BLAMED OTHERS FOR EVENTS THAT TRANSPIRED IN MY LIFE, I HONESTLY BELIEVED SOMEONE ELSE WAS TO BLAME FOR ACTIONS THAT I TOOK. IN CASES WHERE I HAVE BEEN BLAMED, I WAS VERY HURT AND FELT MISUNDERSTOOD. TRUTH IS A STRANGELY ONE THING THAT MOST OF THE TIME, OVER TIME.
YES, MANY THINGS IN LIFE, WE AREN’T IN CONTROL OF, AND CAN’T CHANGE. HOWEVER, WE CAN CHANGE OUR PERCEPTION AND STOP BLAMING OTHERS THOSE FOR CHOICES WE ) THEY GAVE AWAY THEIR POWER OVER TIME TO THEIR PARTNER. OFTENTIMES I HEAR THESE KINDS OF THINGS FROM THEM. FOR EXAMPLE “I CAN’T GO THE BIRTHDAY PARTY. HE WON’T ALLOW IT”. THIS KILLS ME AS I KNOW THAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP HAS GOTTEN TO A CRITICAL STAGE AND IS UNHEALTHY. THEIR PARTNER CREATIVELY USES MIND GAMES CONVINCING THEM THEY ARE HAPPY IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
LIFE DOESN’T OFTEN ALLOW CONTRADICTIONS SUCH AS “BLAMING OTHERS”. TO FEEL COMPLETELY IN YOUR HEART ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN THE RELATIONSHIP IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE’S FAULT, HOLDING NO RESPONSIBILITY OR ACCOUNTABILITY, I SEE THEY ARE IN DENIAL AT THE VERY LEAST, THEY CHOSE TO LISTEN TO SOMEONE THEY CLEARLY DON’T TRUST. I BELIEVE THEIR PART, IS GIVING AWAY THEIR OWN POWER OR CONTROL OF CHOICE AND FREE WILL OVER THEIR OWN LIFE.
MOST OF US SAY WE WANT TO BE SOMEONE IN CONTROL OF OUR OWN DESTINY. THE REASONS BEHIND NOT WANTING TO MAKE OUR OWN DECISIONS IS KNOWING IF WE MAKE A MISTAKE WE MUST ACCEPT THE CONSEQUENCES. THEY HAVE ARRIVED AT A NEW STAGE I,, RELATIONSHIP SO MANY FRIENDS GET TO BEFORE EVER CONSIDERING GETTING OUT OF IT. NOW, THEY HAVE GIVEN MUCH OF THEIR POWER OF CHOICE AND THEY FEEL THERE IS NO TURNING BACK. MOST OF THEM GIVE UP TRYING. OFTEN TIMES THEY ARE FRIENDS THAT HAVE NO CLUE HOW THEY ARRIVED IN THE SITUATION TO BEGIN WITH. IF OUR LACK OF SELF CONFIDENCE IS EVIDENT OR SUBCONSCIOUSLY WE FEEL A LACK OF CONFIDENCE, WHAT WE SAY AND WHAT WE DO, ARE TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS.
WE DON’T REALLY BELIEVE WE ARE IN A WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP. WE ATTRACT UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS THAT WE MISIDENTIFY TO BEGIN WITH. IN THE LONG RUN, THE ABUSED HAS SETTLED INTO THIS ROUTINE MISTAKING IT AS NORMAL. WE SEE A “GOOD PERSON” UNABLE TO SEE THE MANIPULATION OR CHOOSING NOT TO SEE IT FROM THEIR PARTNER. ALL SORTS OF JUSTIFICATIONS ARE MADE. WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT, THEY ARE MORE TERRIFIED TO BE ALONE THAN THEY ARE HAVING THEIR PARTNER ABUSE THEM.
GASLIGHTING, IS USED BY THE ABUSER IN A RELATIONSHIP AS A TOOL USED TO CAST BLAME ON THE ABUSED. IF POSSIBLE, THE POTENTIAL OUTCOME OF A DATE, LETS SAY, IS USED BY THE ABUSER TO FIND A WAY TO BLAME THE ABUSED. THIS OFTEN IS A MANIPULATIVE TECHNIQUE OR A FORM OF BLAME THEM, AFFECTING KEY AREAS OF ONESELF BEING MORE DAMAGED THAN THE ABUSED HAD BEEN BEFORE BEING IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
THE ABUSER USES SHAME OR BLAME SO THE ABUSED IS AT FAULT FOR WHATEVER THE ABUSER CAN GET AWAY WITH. THE ABUSER, BY TEARING AT THE OTHERS “SELF-ESTEEM” TAKES POWER AWAY FROM THE ABUSED, WHO ALLOWS THEM TO TAKE AWAY ANY ABILITY TO CHOOSE . THEY WILL BLAME THE ABUSED FOR THE ROOT CAUSE OF ALL PROBLEMS. THIS IS ANOTHER FORM OF GASLIGHTING. THE ABUSER IS A MASTER AT PUSHING THE OTHERS MIND CONTROL BUTTONS.
HE WILL FOR EXAMPLE, SAY, “HURRY UP, WE DON’T WANT TO BE LATE.” THE RESPONSE FROM THE ABUSED IS, “I WILL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE” AND SHE OR HE IS. THE ABUSER WILL THEN SAY, “I AM NOT GOING”. THIS IS A GOOD EXAMPLE OF HOW A MANIPULATIVE OR NARCISSISTIC PARTNER WILL HANDLE MOST SITUATIONS ESPECIALLY IF WE ARE NOT AWARE OF WHAT THEY ARE DOING OR CHOOSE TO OVERLOOK IT . THEY ULTIMATELY BELIEVE THEY ARE TO BLAME FOR DESTROYING THE EVENING.
THE GOOD NEWS IS THERE IS HOPE FOR ANY PERSON IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, FIRST, THEY MUST STOP JUSTIFYING WHY THEY MUST STAY AND BEGIN SEEING THE TRUTH. ANYONE CAN FIND HELP IF THEY REALLY WANT IT AND ARE READY TO BE STRONG ENOUGH TO GET OUT OF ADDICTIVE ROLE OR HABIT PATTERN. THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING ABOUT BLAME TODAY! I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR INPUT AND IDEAS OR THOUGHTS. BENEATH THIS POST IN THE ” JOIN THE DISCUSSION” AREA SO START A DISCUSSION THAT WILL RESULT IN A POSITIVE DIRECTION. USE OUR WISE ADVICE PAGE IF YOU NEED FURTHER HELP, WHERE WE CAN LISTEN AND DIRECT YOU TOWARDS A STEP BY STEP PROCESS TO GET OUT OF WHAT IS MAKING YOU UNHAPPY ALL OF THE TIME.
FOCUS ON THE SOLUTION, NOT THE PROBLEM. SL
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