Mother

DEATH MEANS DIFFERENT THINGS TO DIFFERENT INDIVIDUALS.  THERE ARE FEW WORDS THAT I HAVE EVER DEBATED WRITING ON, BUT DEATH WOULD BE ONE OF THEM.  I will start off with an acronym for death- (D)arkness (E)ternal  (A)fter  (T))ime  (H)alts.  This seems grim but I believe there is another step to this which allows us that allows our soul to be taken to Heaven and we return home to our maker.  My acronym for death is for the few minutes we share with the physical entity of one soul who is now headed home.  I think the hardest part about death is Why?  “Why did this person have to go?” 

It is hard for me to believe that the above analogy is it for us.  How did we get here?  Someone could explain science to me all day long, and never shake my feeling of the beauty of birth and the sadness shared in watching someone die.  I lost my sister at the end of June this past year.  It has had a grave effect on the lives left behind including mine.  Hope seems dim where it once was light inside me.  I. find myself sad a lot.  I had a naive belief that I would just heal and get past this, but Ladies and Gentlemen, I am here to share with you if you have lost someone close to you yet, you will understand my feelings better.  Sometimes Jenny’s death does not seem real.  I look at all the results her love she had in great abundance is not simple at all.  She left “ripples” in other’s lives which at the moment feel like huge holes. 

She left behind so many including me who loved her so.   I feel like it’s okay to be so sad about her loss as long as I am careful not to share it with others even closer to her.  She fed love to others through her music.  She made love happen in a family unit she created.  She was powerful and had the ability to change someone’s life for the better.  Not only could she be trusted, but she was also so passionate in all she said.  I doubt a “fake” word ever came out of her mouth.  She had amazing self-control.  She could hold out from doing the wrong thing for the overall good.  She was truly powerful.  “As they say, we get back two-fold what we give.  Jenny created spades. 

She was a lover of mermaids and the ocean and she was truly fierce.  Why Lord did I not see this so clearly while she was here?  I should have told her more often just how proud I was and how thankful I was to have her as my sister.  Her husband she married, was truly the love of her life.  These were her words, not mine.  How do we get used to speaking of her in the past tense?  When will the “is” become “was”, naturally?  The thing that happens when these individuals die, is what is called “the rippling effect”.  Our family life and her friends and husband will forever be changed from their interactions and moments shared with her.  She wasn’t afraid to live LIFE. She took the kind of chances that were known as high risk, high reward.  She had the bravery to do so while I played it safe. 

Her daughters (my nieces) are so beautiful and in each of them, you see some of her.  She made the time for what she needed to.  She made loyal and true friends and many of them.  I am lucky to find a few.  Family to her was her friends as her extended family.  Her actions told her story.  Her smile, so strained this past year from pain, lit up a room and her laugh made others do the same.  They say we idealize those who die.  Every word I have written here is the truth.  Today, call someone who lives out of state that is part of your family how much you “love them”.  I was even there when Jenny passed away, her beautiful blue eyes so full of life, slowly moved forward to another place.  I call it heaven and I believe she had an “all-access” pass to it.  

Samantha Leboeuf