coping mechanisms

FINALITY

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OUR DAILY WISDOM WORD TODAY IS “FINALITY”.  THERE ARE THINGS WE EXPERIENCE IN A LIFETIME THAT WE CAN’T CONTROL.  WE DON’T CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE, FOR EXAMPLE.  WE CAN SET AN EXAMPLE FOR THEM BUT ULTIMATELY, IT IS THEIR CHOICE TO DECIDE IF THEY FOLLOW THAT EXAMPLE.  WE CAN GIVE ADVICE, BUT ULTIMATELY THE DECISION MADE IS IN THAT PERSON’S HANDS.  WHAT WE DO HOLD CONTROL OVER IS OUR OWN CHOICES.  WE WILL HAVE NEGATIVITY TO DEAL WITH DURING LIFE, AS WELL AS PAIN. 

WE CAN CHOOSE TO FEEL THE PAIN, AND LOOK FOR THE GOOD FOUND WITH ANOTHER BUT WE CANNOT BE FULLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE OUTCOMES OF OUR RELATIONSHIPS.  WHETHER IT IS OUR CHILDREN, OUR FRIENDSHIPS OR EVEN OUR FUTURE, WE CAN GUIDE WHAT WHAT WE WANT TO HAPPEN, AND STILL HAVE UNEXPECTED TURBULENCE FROM OUTSIDE EVENTS WE SIMPLY HAVE NO CONTROL OVER. 

LIFE IS SHORT.  ONE OF THE EXPERIENCES WE MUST FACE IS FINALLY ACCEPTING FINALITY WHEN OTHERS ARE INVOLVED OR THEY DECIDE TO EXIT OUR LIFE.  SOMETIMES IT MUST BE US THAT ACCEPTS FINALITY.  IF A RELATIONSHIP CAUSES US PAIN AND IS UNHEALTHY, OR SOMEHOW IS HURTING US MORE THAN HELPING US IT MAY BE TIME TO ACCEPT THE FINALITY OF A SITUATION.  IT HURTS IN LIFE WHEN WE LOSE PEOPLE WE LOVE WHETHER IT BE BECAUSE THEY CHOOSE TO GO, OR GOD CALLS THEM HOME.   WE DEAL WITH A SERIES OF STAGES TO GO THROUGH ANY HEALING PROCESS.  FIRST, WE ARE IN DENIAL.  NEXT COMES ANGER.  AFTER THIS, WE FEEL IMMENSE SADNESS, AND FINALLY WE ACCEPT WHAT IS OR THE LOSS OF SOMEONE WE LOVE FROM OUR LIFE. 

WHAT WE MUST DO, IS  LET GO OF THE ANGER STAGE.  WE FEEL ANGER AND THIS HELPS GIVE US STRENGTH, OR SO WE THINK, BUT ULTIMATELY IT STOPS US FROM GETTING TO THE NEXT STAGE WE NEED TO DEAL WITH TO GET TO FINALITY OR ACCEPTANCE. ANGER OVER TIME, HURTS US MORE ANYTHING.  ANGER IS LIKE A VIRUS SPREADING IN THE BODY. ANGER CAN EAT AWAY OUR LOVE FOR OTHERS INDIRECTLY CAUSING US DAMAGE IN THE RELATIONSHIPS WE STILL HAVE IN OUR LIFE.  WE  OFTEN FEEL IT IS EASIER TO STAY IN THIS STAGE TO AVOID FEELING THE NEXT STAGE WHICH IS HURT, SADNESS AND PAIN.  THIS IS WHY IT IS HARD TO GET PAST ANGER AND MOVE ON LEARNING TO COPE WITH THE SADNESS OF LOSS OF ANY KIND. 

ONCE WE REALIZE AND FEEL THIS LOSS, IT ALLOWS US TO MOVE ON TO THE FINAL STAGE, ACCEPTANCE.  WHEN WE ACCEPT THE LOSS, WE THEN BEGIN TO HEAL.  YES, THE PAIN AND MISSING THEM WILL HURT STILL, BUT THE TIMES WE SHARED AND THE LESSONS LEARNED WE LEARN TO FOCUS ON.  WE REMAIN ULTIMATELY AT A PLACE OF ACCEPTANCE AND FINALITY. FINALITY CAN BE HARD WITH ANYTHING. 

SOMETIMES WE FEEL RELIEF WITH FINALITY, BUT MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, WE FEEL THE LOSS.  I WISH THIS WERE MORE ABOUT SOLUTIONS BUT WE MUST EXPERIENCE ANGER TO GET TO SADNESS, AND THEN ACCEPTANCE AND LETTING GO.  FINALITY WITH ANYTHING WHICH BROUGHT US HAPPINESS, HOWEVER LITTLE IT MAY HAVE BEEN, IS HARD TO ACCEPT, BUT IT IS IN ACCEPTANCE WE WILL BEGIN TO HEAL.  DO YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP YOU KNOW HAS REACHED ITS EXPIRATION DATE?  DO YOU FIND YOURSELF FULL OF ANGER AND SOMETIMES EVEN RAGE?  LIFE ISN’T FAIR AND SOMETIMES WE DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY WHEN A RELATIONSHIP ENDS OR TO BE HEALTHY, WE MUST LET GO OF IT. HOW DO WE HEAL?  LOVE FOR THOSE WHO ARE STILL IN OUR LIFE BECOMES ABUNDANT LIKE A VACCINE OF SORTS JUST AS HATRED IS A VIRUS.  LOVE GROWS AND FILLS OUR HEART WITH JOY INSTEAD OF OUR HEAD IN ANGER AND HATE.  PART OF LIFE JUST LIKE A BEGINNING IS AN END.  FINALITY CAN BE WHAT IS NECESSARY TO DRAW HEALTHY BOUNDARIES FOR OURSELVES EMOTIONALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY.  THIS MAY MEAN LOSS, BUT IT ALSO MEANS FREEING UP SPACE WASTED IN TRYING TO CONTROL OTHERS AND THEIR ACTIONS.  DO YOU HAVE QUESTIONS?  DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE BEST WAY TO COPE WITH A PARTICULAR SITUATION ENDING?  LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW OR A QUESTION AND YOU WILL GET A RESPONSE.  I RESPOND TO MY QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS, EVEN IF IT TAKES A FEW DAYS.  THANKS FOR READING…IF YOU HAVE HELPFUL ADVICE, LEAVE IT IN THE “JOIN THE DISCUSSION” AREA BELOW THIS POST.  THANK YOU, SAMANTHA

 

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DEATH HOW DO LOVED ONES COPE LEFT BEHIND?

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DEATH MEANS DIFFERENT THINGS TO DIFFERENT INDIVIDUALS.  THERE ARE FEW WORDS THAT I HAVE EVER DEBATED WRITING ON, BUT DEATH WOULD BE ONE OF THEM.  I will start off with an acronym for death- (D)arkness (E)ternal  (A)fter  (T))ime  (H)alts.  This seems grim but I believe there is another step to this which allows us that allows our soul to be taken to Heaven and we return home to our maker.  My acronym for death is for the few minutes we share with the physical entity of one soul who is now headed home.  I think the hardest part about death is Why?  “Why did this person have to go?” 

It is hard for me to believe that the above analogy is it for us.  How did we get here?  Someone could explain science to me all day long, and never shake my feeling of the beauty of birth and the sadness shared in watching someone die.  I lost my sister at the end of June this past year.  It has had a grave effect on the lives left behind including mine.  Hope seems dim where it once was light inside me.  I. find myself sad a lot.  I had a naive belief that I would just heal and get past this, but Ladies and Gentlemen, I am here to share with you if you have lost someone close to you yet, you will understand my feelings better.  Sometimes Jenny’s death does not seem real.  I look at all the results her love she had in great abundance is not simple at all.  She left “ripples” in other’s lives which at the moment feel like huge holes. 

She left behind so many including me who loved her so.   I feel like it’s okay to be so sad about her loss as long as I am careful not to share it with others even closer to her.  She fed love to others through her music.  She made love happen in a family unit she created.  She was powerful and had the ability to change someone’s life for the better.  Not only could she be trusted, but she was also so passionate in all she said.  I doubt a “fake” word ever came out of her mouth.  She had amazing self-control.  She could hold out from doing the wrong thing for the overall good.  She was truly powerful.  “As they say, we get back two-fold what we give.  Jenny created spades. 

She was a lover of mermaids and the ocean and she was truly fierce.  Why Lord did I not see this so clearly while she was here?  I should have told her more often just how proud I was and how thankful I was to have her as my sister.  Her husband she married, was truly the love of her life.  These were her words, not mine.  How do we get used to speaking of her in the past tense?  When will the “is” become “was”, naturally?  The thing that happens when these individuals die, is what is called “the rippling effect”.  Our family life and her friends and husband will forever be changed from their interactions and moments shared with her.  She wasn’t afraid to live LIFE. She took the kind of chances that were known as high risk, high reward.  She had the bravery to do so while I played it safe. 

Her daughters (my nieces) are so beautiful and in each of them, you see some of her.  She made the time for what she needed to.  She made loyal and true friends and many of them.  I am lucky to find a few.  Family to her was her friends as her extended family.  Her actions told her story.  Her smile, so strained this past year from pain, lit up a room and her laugh made others do the same.  They say we idealize those who die.  Every word I have written here is the truth.  Today, call someone who lives out of state that is part of your family how much you “love them”.  I was even there when Jenny passed away, her beautiful blue eyes so full of life, slowly moved forward to another place.  I call it heaven and I believe she had an “all-access” pass to it.  

Samantha Leboeuf

 

 

 

TRIGGERS

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WHAT ARE “TRIGGERS”?  THE TRIGGERS I AM REFERRING TO ARE OUR “EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS”.  EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS STEM FROM PAST TRAUMA.  DEPENDING ON WHAT HAS HAPPENED EMOTIONALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY THROUGHOUT OUR LIVES, WE experience sensitivity to certain things that happen to us in our current state.  The only way to deal with the triggers is to trace them back to what the initial event was that caused the trigger to begin with.  

We will now take a look at the meaning of triggers in our Webster Dictionary and our daily wisdom words definition. 

Webster Dictionary Definition of Triggers-1.  An event or circumstance that causes a certain event to happen or take place.  

Daily Wisdom Words Definition of Triggers-An emotional response that often is overkill to a particular event.  Triggers occur when we have “emotional baggage” we did not deal with from our past.  

Our past is key to figuring out the root of this emotional trigger.  Until we deal with the emotional scars we didn’t cope or confront from our past, we cannot get to the root cause of them.  Until we trace back in our past what event caused the emotional trigger, we will continue to suffer with these triggers that apply to us. 

I will use myself as an example.  I have always been extremely sensitive about things.  Oftentimes others joke with me and I will feel I am the butt end of the joke.  In “reality” this isn’t the case or intention from the person who told the joke.  My being “overly sensitive” caused the joke to be internalized.  I have had much counseling in my past.  It has helped me hopefully help others. It didn’t take brain surgery to figure out why I had this emotional trigger.  I was often teased as a child by the individuals in my life I cared for the most. 

This began a series of emotional “triggers’ in adulthood.  Unfortunately, simply tracing a current issue we have back from where it started, is not enough to fix it.  We will still suffer from these same triggers.  However, when this particular trigger occurs, we will learn to desensitize ourselves when we have this emotional trigger, over time.  We will also learn to put the current event into the proper perspective it belongs.  We will also learn to take emotional accountability for our part in this trigger.  Coping with our past trauma is the only way we will ever be able to deal with the current emotional expression we show and feel when we are triggered. 

Dealing with emotional trauma from our past or current emotional trauma when life throws us a current curve ball like a family member dying, is the only way our sickness we will cope with new triggers we can develop in adulthood.   We must learn to cope with our trauma when it plays out by seeking professional counseling if necessary.  Stuffing emotions in, or not coping with them as a child or in adulthood cause misunderstandings inside our heart only hurting ourselves.  I hope this helps someone out there today.  It is much easier to deal with our triggers by not letting them permeate emotionally to begin with. 

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Samantha LeBoeuf/Daily Wisdom Words  

NOW DO YOU LIVE IN THE “NOW”?

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Do you live in the now?  How often do we get this question asked to us?  It is certainly now a common question.  However, it pertains very often to how we live our life.  Many people live in the past.  They spend their time living in the past remembering the good ole days.  We remember things in a way that seems to lose the imperfections of everyday life.  We seem to remember the past in a perfectionistic way, reminding us of how great these times were.  We daydream about old boyfriends, when we were very clear in that time period this person was “not” Mr. Right.  In our current frame of mind, we knew when we actually were in that time era, this man was definitely Mr. Wrong

Some of us live in the future.  We are not content with the way our lives our going in the present, and if we could pull out of the current place and time, we would do so.  Living in the future allows us to paint the perfect, ideal picture of how good things could be if they were, “Perfect”.  The problem with this line of thinking is life is never really perfect.  In fact, we are idealizing perfection as if it will have a place in our life, when we arrive at this moment in time.  Reality check?  No the future is not perfect either.  Those of us that live and stay mentally in the present realize this:  By staying in the present, we develop coping skills and mechanisms that allow us to cope with the future and accept the past as it really was, not the way we wish it could have been.  I think back on relationships I have been in before,  and I know that in order to move on, ( I am the kind of person that has a hard time letting go of a relationship), even when I know in my heart and head I should let go of this relationship.  After the relationship was over, I would spend a lot of time analyzing what happened to it as it broke down and why it did so.  This is also considered living in the “past” if you begin to obsess on it.  I tended to do just that.  Let us take a look at the meaning of “NOW” in our Webster Dictionary.

Webster definition of “now”-1. at the present time or moment.  2.  under the present circumstances;  as a result of something that has recently happened.  2.  used in a particular length of time.  3.  used to emphasize a particular length of time.

Daily Wisdom Words Definition-living life in the present.  2.  the art of learning to live in the “present” verses the past or future.

It is very important for us to think long and hard about this advice and there is only one way to do so.  1.  You have to practice monitoring your thoughts.  Whatever we are thinking about, is what we gravitate and manifest in our live.  2. Journaling or simply keeping a notebook writing down these thoughts we all have, a pattern will start to emerge.  You will begin to understand why you focus too much on the past or present.  3.  what triggered you wanting to make changes to begin with?  Perhaps the initial problem that caused you issues in your life is why you would like to focus on living in the present.  I recently lost my little sister.  It is so painful for me.  I find myself wondering was I as close to her as I thought I was?  She lived a life of loving others.  She chose to not share with me some of the things I would have liked to understand.  We all are a product of change and our experiences.  Perhaps I wasn’t involved enough in her life to see who she had become as we are all changing daily.  regardless, when i find myself going down this rabbit hole, I stop, and ask myself:  What productivity and positive change will it bring to my life?  iI want to hear what your feelings are about “living in the now”.  There is a comment section beneath this post titled, “join the discussion”.  Please leave a comment, poem or quote about living in the present, and what benefits or costs has it brought you living in the present or what costs have you paid living in the past or dreaming of the future.  Join today for just $10!  This buys you a lifetime membership.  That is right.  LIFETIME.  Starting very soon, it is going to change where you will have a monthly fee to join.  It will still be extremely reasonable considering what you get when joining.  Check out our Wisdomology posts that is written and always by Neel who is a master at the art of making logical sense of things in life I find difficult to understand.  My post, (what you just read), is Mon, Wed, Fri. is also live.  What this means is throughout the day, after reading the post I will happily answer any questions I get in our comments section and help in any way possible should you have any specific issues with “living in the now”.  Shirley publishes a wonderful article in the form of a live interview on youtube or one she writes with many interesting facts about famous authors or poets.  Dr. Shanni Dover, publishes an article on the daily wisdom words website every Sunday.  It is always amazing and I learn so much from her.  No wonder she was a psychologist for 25 years.  She can also make a difference in your life.  Leave a comment in the “join the discussion area” beneath her post, and she is available from 3:00pm to 6:00pm to answer questions live.  She also helps outside of these hours and it is amazing the light she brings in her thoughts and words.  

Make a change today.  Enjoy also, your own “Social Media” profile showing the covers of you new books or poems you are proud of.  Shop at our store.  We have so many custom gifts you may order for gifts.  We are also selling an anthology of poems written by our best Poets.

 

Thanks so much, Samantha LeBoeuf

 

other daily wisdom words you may like:  http://dailywisdomwords.com/daily-wisdom-words/identity/

 

 

VARIATIONS

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VARIATIONS IS OUR DAILY WISDOM WORD TODAY.  WE DON’T ALWAYS EXPECT VARIATIONS.  WE FEEL THAT LIKE WILL GO ON THE SAME AS IT HAS BEEN, BUT CHANGE OR VARIATION IS A PART OF LIFE.  IF YOU WOULD HAVE ASKED ME WHAT I WOULD BE DOING AS RECENTLY AS A MONTH AGO, THE LAST ANSWER I WOULD GIVE YOU IS I WOULD BE IN QUARANTINE FOR A PANDEMIC.  HOWEVER, VARIATION AND CHANGE ARE A PART OF LIFE, AND MOST OFTEN HAPPENS WHEN WE LEAST EXPECT IT.  UNEXPECTED AND ONCE IN A LIFETIME VARIATIONS, EITHER POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE, ARE A PART OF LIFE AND MANY TIMES, WE DON’T CONTROL WHAT THOSE VARIATIONS ARE.  

A VARIATION IN LIFE LIKE THIS PANDEMIC, IS THE LAST THING I WOULD SUSPECT.  I WATCH LIVING IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA OF ALL PLACES, THE WORLDS SUPPOSED “SUPER POWER” AS WE HAVE BECOME THE LARGEST AROUND THE WORLD FOR CONTRACTION RATES OF COVID-19.  I DON’T QUITE UNDERSTAND THIS VARIATION BUT SHOULD AS I WAS UNEDUCATED ABOUT A PANDEMIC BEING WARNED OF BY HEALTH PROFESSIONALS FOR QUITE SOME TIME.  I ALSO DID NOT EVEN HEAR ABOUT THE FIRST CASE IN WAUN, CHINA ON THE NEWS.  I AM NOT A NEWS MONGER.  I DO WATCH IT OCCASIONALLY BUT CHINA SEEMS SO FAR AWAY AND WE WERE NOT GETTING THE CORRECT NUMBERS OF CASES COMING FROM CHINA.  NOW IT IS 7 WEEKS LATER AND HERE IS WHERE WE ARE.  WE ARE FAR FROM PREPARED FOR THIS PANDEMIC, AS MASKS INTENDED FOR NURSES AND DOCTORS TO BE WORN ONLY ONCE AND DISPOSED OF, ARE NOW BEING USED OVER AND OVER AGAIN AS WE SIMPLY WERE NOT PREPARED AS A NATION FOR THIS CHANGE OR VARIATION IN OUR POPULATION.

THE EASIEST THING TO DO IS CAST BLAME WHEN UNCONTROLLABLE CHANGES OR VARIATIONS HAPPEN.  I DO BELIEVE WE ARE ALL CULPABLE IN SOME WAY FROM OUR PRESIDENT ALL THE WAY DOWN THE LINE TO MYSELF FOR REMAINING UNEDUCATED ABOUT A PROBLEM WE HAVE BEEN WARNED OF FOR THE LAST FIVE TO TEN YEARS.  LET US TAKE A LOOK AT THE DEFINITION OF VARIANCES BEFORE GOING ANY FURTHER.  

WEBSTER DEFINITION OF VARIANCES-1.  THE FACT OR QUALITY OF BEING DIFFERENT, DIVERGENT OR INCONSISTENT.  2.  ANYTHING ABOVE A STANDARD DEVIATION.  

DAILY WISDOM WORD DEFINITION-CHANGES THAT HAPPEN, SOMETIMES VERY SLOW WHICH AFFECT OUR LIVES.  

AS YOU OFTEN SEE ME WRITE, WE CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST, WE CAN ALTER THE FUTURE BY LEARNING FROM THE PAST BUT CERTAINLY DON’T FULLY CONTROL IT.  VARIATIONS ARE THESE VERY ALTERATIONS FROM A NORMAL PATTERN OF LIFE AND WE ARE ALL LIVING WITH A VERY TERRIFYING VARIATION.  WHAT CAN WE DO DO PROTECT OURSELVES, AND HELP OTHERS WITH THE CURRENT PANDEMIC?

  1.  HELP OTHERS.  WHEN WE FEEL DOWN OURSELVES, WE CAN REACH OUT TO LOVED ONES AND FRIENDS AND GIVE SUPPORT AND LOVE THROUGH THE WAYS WE ARE ABLE.  CALL THEM.  FACETIME THEM.  REASSURE THEM.  MOST OF ALL, UNDERSTAND AND OFFER COMFORT AND EMPATHY.  
  2.   FOLLOW THE RULES.  SOMETIMES WE THINK WE ARE ABOVE THIS.  HOWEVER, WE ARE NOT, ESPECIALLY IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS
  3.   MAKE CHANGES WE COULD HAVE MADE ALREADY TO ADAPT TO THESE VARIANCES IN OUR LIVES.  DONATE TO RESEARCH IF POSSIBLE.  GO ON FACEBOOK AND START A FUNDRAISER OR CAMPAIGN IT YOU ARE NOT IN A FINANCIAL SITUATION TO DONATE ALONE.  EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS GET THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY THE SUPPLIES IT NEEDS, OR HELPS WITH RESEARCH OR HELPS PAY FOR THE PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE AND COPING MECHANISMS OFFERED BY PSYCHIATRISTS, COUNSELORS AND SOCIAL WORKERS THAT ARE NEEDED NOW AND WILL BE NEEDED IN THE FUTURE.  
  4.  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST SO YOU ARE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF OTHERS.  IT IS KIND OF LIKE BEING ON AN AIRPLANE.  THEY RECOMMEND PLACING AN OXYGEN MASK ON OURSELVES FIRST, THEN PLACE A MASK OTHERS AROUND YOU.  EAT PROPERLY, GET ENOUGH SLEEP AND STICK TO ROUTINES YOU ARE ABLE TO INCLUDING EXERCISE AND JOURNAL.  TALK TO OTHERS WHEN YOU ARE NOT FEELING MENTALLY STABLE WITH THE ISOLATION THAT BUILDS OVER TIME SPENT IN ONE PLACE.  
  5. APPRECIATE THE SMALLER THINGS IN LIFE.  IF YOU ARE ABLE, PICK UP YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY OR CRAFT YOU ENJOYED BUT DID NOT HAVE TIME FOR UNTIL NOW TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF.  
  6.   STAY EDUCATED WITH THE NEWS AND UP TO DATE BUT DO NOT DWELL OR CONSUME YOURSELF WITH IT.  MODERATION IS THE KEY.  TAKE IN THE AMOUNT YOU EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY CAN COPE WITH, THEN GET YOUR MIND OFF OF IT.  UNLESS THERE IS SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE YOU PERSONALLY CAN DO WITHOUT HURTING YOURSELF, YOU CAN’T DWELL ON THIS OR OBSESS OVER IT.  YOU WILL DRIVE YOURSELF CRAZY. 

THANK YOU FOR READING ABOUT VARIANCE AND CHANGE IN OUR LIVES.  WE DO OFFER COUNSELING AND OTHERS TO TALK TO COMPLETELY CONFIDENTIAL WITH DAILY WISDOM WORDS, A PREMIER WRITING COMMUNITY.  WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.  LET US HELP.  YOU IN TURN, HELP US AS WE REACH OUT TO HELP YOU.  IT IS $5 TO JOIN AND THE COUNSELING IS FREE.  WE ASK FOR DONATIONS TO GIVE TO UNICEF FOR OTHERS WHO ARE DEALING WITH THIS GLOBALLY.  DO YOUR PART WHETHER YOU DO IT THROUGH THIS WEBSITE OR THE WHO.  (WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION) OR THE CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL.  THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING.  COMMENTS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED SO START THE DIALOGUE.  THIS WILL HELP YOU AND OTHERS BY REALIZING YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS.  THANK YOU, SAMANTHA LEBOEUF/FOUNDER, DAILY WISDOM WORDS

OTHER DAILY WISDOM WORDS YOU MAY LIKE:  http://dailywisdomwords.com/allowances/

SORROW

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The Daily Wisdom Word today is “Sorrow”.  Sorrow is a part of the human condition.  Sorrow is a part of life.  Sorrow is a deeper form of sadness that comes when we finally accept there is no hope to fix the situation we are currently sad about.  This is why I say sorrow is one step further down the ladder than sadness.  I believe when we feel sad, the smallest thing can turn us around that resembles hope.  I believe when we feel sorrow, we have been down that road of hope and know the best thing that can come of a situation is the ending of it.  This is how we are able to once again, eventually be happy.  Let’s take a look at the definition of Sorrow in our Webster Dictionary and the Daily Wisdom Words Definition.

Webster’s definition of sorrow-1.  a feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others.  2.  the outward expression of grief, lamentation.  3.  an event or circumstance that causes sorrow/

Daily Wisdom Word Definition of sorrow-1.  a feeling of deep sadness where all hope is lost and the only resort is to move on from the situation because it is irreconcilable.  

When you analyze a situation in thirty different ways, and you see no answer to what is causing your sorrow, you are left with one choice.  You must in order to find a feeling of peace again, make a formal change to avoid this feeling of sorrow because along with sorrow comes “hopelessness.”  Hopelessness is the worst feeling of all because it comes along with the feeling of sorrow or sadness and it means one must accept the only way to deal with this situation is to pray for a miracle or make a drastic change.  

Have you ever been deeply in love?  So in love, in fact, you could not see reality or the forest through the trees?  Let us add to this story a bit.  You are so in love with him BUT nothing you can say or do can seem to stop him from lying to you.  He tells you he loves you so much, yet he cannot help himself.  He lies.  This is a situation where you will not be able to “change him”.  In other words, all hope is lost and the deep root of sorrow has planted itself in your soul.   

I have been through a situation just like the one I described and tried for many months believing in him and his words, not his actions.  I was sad inside but must have still believed somewhere inside me, there was hope that he would make the changes necessary to give our relationship a sincere shot.  This was about the time I found a nude picture in his wallet and it wasn’t from playboy.  The picture he held in his wallet wasn’t his money wallet but the picture application built on his phone.  It also showed the date the picture had been taken and the time.  (EVENING).  I could only imagine her sending the picture his way and the conversation logic told me they must have had to get her to send such a disgusting picture to someone who had a fiancee’.  I think this was about the time the anger began to pass, and I felt more than sad.  I felt sorrow.  

To this day, if you ask him what happened in this relationship, he will dig in his “mental wallet” and find plenty of blame to go around.  Yet, I tried so hard to make it work with him.  I spoke to a psychologist just the other day about him.   You see, he is in love with someone else.  in fact, he won’t even talk to me.  (too bad he never showed me that kind of respect).  I met him as he was coming out of a relationship with a woman with two children.  He had dated her approximately two years and called them his children.  I am sure the word, “wife” was mentioned as well.   I told him “BEFORE” getting involved with him that he would have to cut ties with that situation.  The first full year I dated him, he continued to see the three of them for dinners as a family would and continued to tell me it was over.  Of course, I believed him.  I have always believed in giving someone the benefit of the doubt before deciding they are a liar.  I had a feeling in my stomach I simply couldn’t ignore.  This ” feeling” it turned out was accurate.  It was a feeling of distrust.  Long story short, I have over the years forgiven him until recently when the past has come to haunt me.  You see, he told me I was his best friend or one of them and now that I need him, he can’t or won’t talk to me.  So much for friendship.  I had the surprise of a nude photo.  She has the surprise that he has dumped his friends for her.  

I wish I could write something happier today, but I do believe there is still a bright, sunny light for me waiting.  I just can’t count on him to even be my friend as I am going through a difficult time.  Thank you for reading.

Samantha LeBoeuf/Founder, Daily Wisdom Words, LLC