SISTERS

DEATH HOW DO LOVED ONES COPE LEFT BEHIND?

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DEATH MEANS DIFFERENT THINGS TO DIFFERENT INDIVIDUALS.  THERE ARE FEW WORDS THAT I HAVE EVER DEBATED WRITING ON, BUT DEATH WOULD BE ONE OF THEM.  I will start off with an acronym for death- (D)arkness (E)ternal  (A)fter  (T))ime  (H)alts.  This seems grim but I believe there is another step to this which allows us that allows our soul to be taken to Heaven and we return home to our maker.  My acronym for death is for the few minutes we share with the physical entity of one soul who is now headed home.  I think the hardest part about death is Why?  “Why did this person have to go?” 

It is hard for me to believe that the above analogy is it for us.  How did we get here?  Someone could explain science to me all day long, and never shake my feeling of the beauty of birth and the sadness shared in watching someone die.  I lost my sister at the end of June this past year.  It has had a grave effect on the lives left behind including mine.  Hope seems dim where it once was light inside me.  I. find myself sad a lot.  I had a naive belief that I would just heal and get past this, but Ladies and Gentlemen, I am here to share with you if you have lost someone close to you yet, you will understand my feelings better.  Sometimes Jenny’s death does not seem real.  I look at all the results her love she had in great abundance is not simple at all.  She left “ripples” in other’s lives which at the moment feel like huge holes. 

She left behind so many including me who loved her so.   I feel like it’s okay to be so sad about her loss as long as I am careful not to share it with others even closer to her.  She fed love to others through her music.  She made love happen in a family unit she created.  She was powerful and had the ability to change someone’s life for the better.  Not only could she be trusted, but she was also so passionate in all she said.  I doubt a “fake” word ever came out of her mouth.  She had amazing self-control.  She could hold out from doing the wrong thing for the overall good.  She was truly powerful.  “As they say, we get back two-fold what we give.  Jenny created spades. 

She was a lover of mermaids and the ocean and she was truly fierce.  Why Lord did I not see this so clearly while she was here?  I should have told her more often just how proud I was and how thankful I was to have her as my sister.  Her husband she married, was truly the love of her life.  These were her words, not mine.  How do we get used to speaking of her in the past tense?  When will the “is” become “was”, naturally?  The thing that happens when these individuals die, is what is called “the rippling effect”.  Our family life and her friends and husband will forever be changed from their interactions and moments shared with her.  She wasn’t afraid to live LIFE. She took the kind of chances that were known as high risk, high reward.  She had the bravery to do so while I played it safe. 

Her daughters (my nieces) are so beautiful and in each of them, you see some of her.  She made the time for what she needed to.  She made loyal and true friends and many of them.  I am lucky to find a few.  Family to her was her friends as her extended family.  Her actions told her story.  Her smile, so strained this past year from pain, lit up a room and her laugh made others do the same.  They say we idealize those who die.  Every word I have written here is the truth.  Today, call someone who lives out of state that is part of your family how much you “love them”.  I was even there when Jenny passed away, her beautiful blue eyes so full of life, slowly moved forward to another place.  I call it heaven and I believe she had an “all-access” pass to it.  

Samantha Leboeuf

 

 

 

CHRISTMAS EVE AND JENNY

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MERRY CHRISTMAS-EVE!  BECAUSE OF FAMILY IN TOWN, I WON’T BE POSTING TOMORROW!  CHRISTMAS-EVE IS SO SPECIAL TO ME STARTING WITH MY OWN CHILDHOOD.  MY MOTHER, ALTHOUGH WE WERE CERTAINLY NOT RICH, ALWAYS MADE CHRISTMAS SO SPECIAL FOR US.  I WAS VERY VERY CLOSE WITH MY LITTLE SISTER, WHO MANY OF YOU KNOW DIED THIS YEAR FROM ORAL CANCER PASSING AWAY ON JUNE 27TH, 2020.  

AS KIDS, WE CONSTANTLY PLAYED TOGETHER.  WE WERE QUITE CREATIVE!  WE WOULD WRITE PLAYS ACTING THEM OUT, AS EARLY AS 6 AND 9 YEARS OF AGE, MAYBE EVEN EARLIER.  WHAT SEPARATED JENNY AND I AS I CALLED HER, WAS AN AGE DIFFERENCE OF JUST OVER 3 YEARS, 3 YEARS, 2 MONTHS, TO BE EXACT.  IT DIDN’T MATTER.  WE GOT ALONG SO WELL AND THE MEMORIES MADE ARE FOREVER IN MY HEART.  I WILL HOLD EVEN TIGHTER TO THESE MEMORIES WITHOUT HER THIS FIRST CHRISTMAS.  WE PLAYED SCHOOL, AND I WAS THE TEACHER!  WE HAD GIRLS THAT LIVED NEXT STORE TO US THAT OFTEN CAME OVER TO PLAY AS WELL, MAKING OUR CLASSROOMS AND PLAYS EVEN LARGER.  IT IS SO FUNNY HOW WE COULD CREATE SO MUCH..EVEN THOUGH WE WERE HALF-SISTERS, (WHICH I DIDN’T KNOW UNTIL I WAS 11 YEARS OF AGE), WE WERE SO CLOSE.  AS WE GREW UP, WE WOULD HAVE PERIODS OF SEPARATE INTERESTS STARTING WITH ME IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. 

AT THAT TIME, SEVENTH AND EIGHTH GRADE WAS HELD AT A SEPARATE SCHOOL.  AT THE END OF YOUR SIXTH GRADE, YOU WERE MOVED FROM ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TO MIDDLE SCHOOL FOR TWO YEARS.  THIS ENCOMPASSED SEVENTH AND EIGHTH GRADE FOR ME, AND THIS WOULD BE WHEN JENNY AND I TEMPORARILY HAD DIFFERENT INTERESTS.  HONESTLY, I ALWAYS FELT DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE.  I FELT INSECURE, AND AWKWARD, BEING TALL AND CHUBBY OR SO I THOUGHT.  THE FRIENDS I HAD WERE THE GIRLS NEXT STORE WHO WERE SISTERS THEMSELVES.  ONE OF THEM WAS A BULLY AND WEEKLY, SHE WOULD BEAT ME UP, ABUSE ME AND I LIVED IN FEAR OF HER.  THE OTHER SISTER WAS MY BEST FRIEND, AND MY SAME AGE.  THEY ALSO WERE HALF-SISTERS IRONICALLY.  

OUR HOME IN PHOENIX WAS CLOSE ENOUGH TO WALK TO SCHOOL ALL OF ELEMENTARY, MIDDLE AND HIGH SCHOOL.  MANY ISSUES I HAD DID HAVE TO DO WITH SHELLY, THE OLDER SISTER NEXT STORE.  ON THE WAY HOME, SHE WOULD OFTEN BEAT ME UP.  KAREN, WHO WAS MY BEST FRIEND, REALLY DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS.  SHELLY WAS OLDER, AND KIND OF RULED THE ROOST THROUGH INTIMIDATION.  SHELLY WOULD TAKE MY LUNCH OUT OF MY HANDS, AND IF I HAD ANYTHING SHE WANTED, SHE WOULD TAKE IT.  THEY WERE FINANCIALLY BETTER OFF THAN US, SO OFTENTIMES I WOULD FIND MYSELF SCRAPPING UP LOOSE CHANGE AROUND THE HOUSE.  ONE YEAR WHEN I WAS ELEVEN, I SAVED ALL YEAR THROUGH FOR CHRISTMAS.  JENNY AND I WERE BOTH SAVING EVERY PENNY WE COULD DOING ANYTHING WE WERE ABLE TO EARN MONEY.  I WANTED EVERYONE THAT YEAR IN MY FAMILY TO HAVE NICE CHRISTMAS GIFTS.  I MENTIONED TO KAREN, SHELLY’S LITTLE SISTER, I HAD SAVED $90 ROUGHLY AND SOMEHOW SHELLY FOUND OUT.  WE HAD AN OPEN DOOR POLICY WITH SHELLY AND KAREN.  ONE DAY, WHEN THE FAMILY WAS GONE, RIGHT AFTER SHARING THIS INFORMATION WITH KAREN, MY MONEY WENT MISSING ONE DAY WHEN WE WERE NOT HOME.  I KNEW SHELLY HAD TAKEN IT, BUT WAS AFRAID TO SPEAK UP FOR MYSELF.  WHAT I DID NOT KNOW IS YEARS OF THIS, STUFFING MY FEELINGS HAD BUILT UP INSIDE ME.  ONE DAY IN EIGHTH GRADE, SHELLY BEGAN THE USUAL BULLYING.  I FINALLY STOOD UP TO HER, AND INSTEAD OF HER BEATING ME UP, I BEAT HER UP AND SHE NEVER TOUCHED OR ABUSED ME AGAIN. THIS GAVE ME LONG OVERDUE CONFIDENCE AND BY THE TIME I WAS A FRESHMAN STARTING HIGH SCHOOL I WAS STRONGER WITHIN.  I WAS DIFFERENT FROM OTHER KIDS, ESPECIALLY BEING A VERY SENSITIVE CHILD.  I STARTED TO EMBRACE MY UNIQUENESS IN HIGH SCHOOL AND BECAME FRIENDS WITH SOME VERY POPULAR PEOPLE.  THEY ALWAYS SAID HI TO ME AND I WOULD BE SO HAPPY I WAS MAKING NEW FRIENDS, ALTHOUGH KAREN AND I REMAINED CLOSE.  I WAS PRETTY WELL LIKED IN MY JUNIOR-SENIOR YEAR AND MANY PEOPLE THOUGHT I WAS A “HUMOROUS” PERSON.  I LOVED IT AND BECAME QUITE THE HAM.

EVERY YEAR AT CHRISTMAS TIME, JENNY AND I WOULD REBOND.  WHEN I WAS 15, I MET MY FIRST SERIOUS BOYFRIEND, ROD.  MY FAMILY DID NOT CARE FOR HIM.  MY MOTHER WENT SO FAR AS TO RESTRICT ME FROM SEEING HIM.  JENNY KNEW EVERY SINGLE PERSONAL DETAIL ABOUT ME, AND NEVER ONCE SHARED THEM WITH ANYONE ELSE.  I DEVELOPED AN UNDYING TRUST WITH HER.  WHEN I WAS A SENIOR, JENNY WAS A FRESHMAN AT THE SAME HIGH SCHOOL.  SHE HAD A MATURITY ABOUT HER AND LIKE TO HANG WITH MY FRIENDS RATHER THAN OTHERS HER OWN AGE.  THEY LOVED HER.  MY BEST FREIND IN HIGH SCHOOL OTHER THAN JENNY WAS SHELLY.  SHELLY ALSO BECAME CLOSE WITH JENNY, BUT EVERY CHRISTMAS AND HOLIDAY SEASON, DESPITE ANY IRRITATION WITH FROSH JENNY, WE BONDED ONCE AGAIN.  WE HAD TIME OFF FROM SCHOOL FOR THE HOLIDAYS, AND I WOULD TELL HER EVERY SORDID DETAIL ABOUT ROD, THE BOY I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SEEING! 

WE HAD A WINDOW AND SHARED A BEDROOM WITH A BIG WINDOW LOCATED RIGHT OUTSIDE TO OUR BACKYARD DIRECTLY BY A FENCE WE BOTH COULD CLIMB.  I BEGAN LYING TO SEE ROD.  JENNY NEVER LET ME DOWN.  SHE NEVER SHARED EVEN ONE SECRET WITH MY MOM. WHEN SHE WAS 13, SHE HAD HER FIRST SERIOUS BOYFRIEND, AND BEGAN SNEAKING OUT THE SAME WINDOW TO SEE HIM, CLIMBING THE FENCE, AND I RETURNED THE FAVOR ALTHOUGH I TOLD HER, “STAY AWAY FROM THE WINDOW. JENNY!  IT WILL LEAD TO TROUBLE. SHE WAS OBSTINATE JUST LIKE ME AND  NOTHING I SAID OR DID, MADE ANY DIFFERENCE.  WE BOTH BROUGHT PLENTY OF TROUBLE TO HOME DURING THOSE YEARS.  ALTHOUGH I APPEARED IRRITATED SHE’D HANG WITH MY OLDER CROWD, I LOVED IT INSIDE.  JENNY WAS FULL OF LIFE AND DIVERSITY, MUCH MORE SECURE WITH HERSELF THAN I WAS, AND EVERYONE LOVED HER THEN AND NOW, UNTIL THE DAY SHE DIED IN JUNE THIS YEAR.  

MY SISTER AND I TOOK DIFFERENT PATHS AFTER MY LAST YEAR AT HIGH SCHOOL AS I CHOSE TO GO TO COLLEGE TWO AND A HALF HOURS AWAY FROM HOME AND SHE STAYED IN PHOENIX ATTEND ARIZONA STATE FOR A WHILE.  HER PASSION FOR ACTING, SINGING, AND FAMILY REMAINED.  SHE MADE FRIENDS SO FAST AND HAD SO MANY THEN UP TO HER DEATH.  HOWEVER, WE ALWAYS BONDED AT CHRISTMAS TIME WHEN WE BOTH CAME HOME OVER CHRISTMAS.  WE WOULD SIT AND TELL SECRETS IN OUR OLD ROOM MY MOTHER LEFT EMPTY AND BOND.  STILL MY MOTHER MADE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL FOR ALL OF US.  I PROMISED MYSELF WHEN I HAD MY OWN FAMILY I WOULD DO THE SAME.  I DID.  JENNY ULTIMATELY MOVED TO LOS ANGELES AFTER HER FIRST MARRIAGE AND DEATH OF HER BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL, HILLARY.  HILLARY WAS THREE WHEN SHE DIED OF SIDS AND UP UNTIL HER FINAL DAY OF LIFE, HILLARY WAS TAKEN WITH HER IN MEMORY AND HEART.  JENNY BEGAN STAYING IN LOS ANGELES OVER CHRISTMAS, BUT TWICE OR MORE A YEAR WE WOULD HAVE A SISTER’S VISIT.  

IF I HAD AN ISSUE, JENNY WAS THE ONE I TURNED TO.  SHE WAS AN “OLD SOUL” AND VERY WISE.  I ALWAYS KNEW IN MY HEART SHE COULD BE TRUSTED.  NEVER ONCE DID SHE LET ME DOWN WITH ADVICE, GUIDANCE AND TRUST.  LIFE HAS EVOLVED, HER HAVING TWO BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS, MY NIECES, AND MY CHILDREN GROWN WITH MY DAUGHTER LIVING OUT OF STATE IN IDAHO.  MY BEST MEMORIES WERE OF CHRISTMAS EVE, AND I AM EMBARRASSED TO SHARE I STILL SORTA BELIEVED IN SANTA UNTIL I WAS ELEVEN.  WISE “JENNY” FIGURED THE TRUTH OUT LONG BEFORE THAT BUT THE HOLIDAYS BROUGHT US CLOSE ONCE AGAIN.  I DIDN’T MEAN TO WRITE A NOVEL, BUT MY HEART TOOK ME TO THESE MEMORIES.  I MISS AND LOVE HER SO VERY MUCH.  THANK YOU MOM FOR ALL YOU DID TO GIVE US THE WONDERFUL MEMORIES WE HAVE OF CHRISTMAS AND ALWAYS HAVING TRADITIONS AND FOLLOWING THEM.  YOU TRULY ARE BEYOND AMAZING, AND I LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH.  YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO IS NOT ONLY A MOTHER, BUT A BEST FRIEND.  GOD BLESS YOU FOR ALL YOU GIVE AND HAVE GIVEN OF YOURSELF.  I WILL FOREVER BE IN GRATITUDE YOU GAVE US ONE ANOTHER, AND PUT A FAMILY TOGETHER LIKE GLUE.  YOU ARE STILL HERE AND FOR THIS I COULD NOT BE MORE GRATEFUL.  

FROM MY HEART TO YOURS, MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND REMEMBER WHAT CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT.  FIRST, THE BIRTH OF JESUS CHRIST.  BUT SECOND, THE MOMENTS IN TIME THAT WILL REMAIN FROZEN IN TIME IN A CAPSULE OF LOVE WITH FAMILY INCLUDING YOU.  THIS LOSS HAS AFFECTED ALL OF US IS SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS.  JENNY, I WILL LIGHT A CANDLE IN HONOR OF YOU TODAY.  MAY YOU REST WITH THE ANGELS AND WATCH OVER ALL OF US.  YOU BROUGHT LOVE, LIFE, HAPPINESS, JOY AND HUMOR BUT MOSTLY YOU BROUGHT ENDLESS LOVE FOR ALL OF US.  I THANK YOU MY LITTLE SISTER FOR ALL WE HAD.  MAY YOU REST IN PEACE AND TRADITIONS CONTINUE ON WITHIN OUR FAMILY.  GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND I DO LOVE MY MEMBERS AND TEAM WHO DESERVE AN EXTA SPECIAL THANK YOU AND LOVE ALL AROUND.  THANK YOU TWITTER, FACEBOOK WRITERS WHO ARE MEMBERS OR WHO ARE NOT.  MUCH LOVE AND MANY BLESSINGS TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU…SAMANTHA

DEATH WHAT HAPPENS IN THE AFTERLIFE? 7/11/2020

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AS MANY OF YOU KNOW, I JUST LOST MY BABY SISTER JUST TWO WEEKS AGO TODAY.  I WOULD LOVE TO ANSWER THE QUESTION I POSED ABOVE, BUT I HONESTLY DO NOT HAVE THE ANSWERS.  THIS IS THE FIRST PERSON IN MY LIFE I HAVE LOST I WAS SO CLOSE TO.  I OFTEN WONDER, WAS IT JUST ME?  WHAT DID I NOT KNOW IN THE LAST YEAR OF HER LIFE?  I CAME TO VISIT JUST TWO WEEKS BEFORE SHE PASSED, AND THE WEEKEND THAT SHE PASSED AWAY, AND SO MANY EMOTIONS FILL MY HEAD AND HEART WHEN I SEE MY LITTLE SISTER I PLAYED WITH AND HUNG OUT WITH AS A CHILD, PASS AWAY AND STOP BREATHING.  FIRST, I FELT SHOCK.  I THINK WHEN THIS TYPE AND DEPTH OF TRAGEDY OCCURS IN OUR LIVES, SHOCK WOULD BE A COMMON EMOTION.  I ALSO HAVE FELT ANGER.  WHY?  SHE HAD SO MUCH MORE TO OFFER THIS WORLD. 

WHEN THE SHOCK WORE OFF, THE ANGER BEGAN TO TRICKLE DOWN INSIDE ME.   I REALIZED AFTER ASKING OVER AND OVER AGAIN, WHY HER, GOD, I WOULDN’T GET AN ANSWER.   NOT MANY OF YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LITTLE SISTER.  SHE HAD A CANKER SORE IN HER MOUTH APPROXIMATELY 14 MONTHS AGO, AND IT REALLY WAS BUGGING HER AND VERY PAINFUL.  SHE WENT TO THE DENTIST IN REGARDS TO THIS “SORE” AND HE SAID IT DIDN’T LOOK LIKE A TYPICAL SORE.  HE SENT HER TO AN EAR, NOSE AND THROAT SPECIALIST, WHO THEN PERFORMED A BIOPSY.  HE HIMSELF SEEMED SURPRISED AT THE RESULTS.  SHE HAD ORAL CANCER AKA HEAD AND NECK CANCER.  THE MEDICAL TERM FOR THIS TYPE OF CANCER IS “SQUAMOUS CELL CARCINOMA” OF THE HEAD AND NECK.  BY THE TIME THE SPECIALIST GOT THE RESULTS BACK TO TYPE THE CANCER, SHE WAS CLOSE TO A STAGE FOUR.  HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?

WHEN THIS INFORMATION CAME BACK, I WAS REALLY SCARED.  SHE HAD A WEDDING COMING UP IN ONE MONTH, AND THE DOCTOR AGREED TO LET HER PUT OFF REMOVING THE TUMOR UNTIL IT WAS OVER. IT IS FUNNY.  I MUST INTERJECT SOMETHING IN HERE.  I NOW BELIEVE THAT HAD SHE NOT WAITED AND BEGAN TREATMENT IMMEDIATELY, IT WOULD NOT HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE.  WE MIGHT HAVE FELT MORE PEACE WITH IT, BUT ULTIMATELY I BELIEVE SHE WOULD HAVE ARRIVED AT THE SAME PLACE.  TREATMENT STARTED WITH RADIATION.  THE RADIATION WAS SO HORRIBLE THEY USED, AS IT BURNT HER TONGUE AND THROAT SO BADLY.  SHE COULD NOT EAT OR EVEN DRINK.  SHE REFUSED TO GO BACK AFTER FIVE OR SIX DAYS OF IT.  I HONESTLY DON’T BLAME HER.  WHEN I CALLED TO CHECK ON HER AFTER THE SECOND RADIATION TREATMENT, SHE COULD NOT EVEN TALK.  SHE WAS CRYING AND IN PAIN.  

THE NEXT STEP WAS TO REMOVE THE TUMOR.  SINCE IT WAS LOCATED ON THE TONGUE, THERE WAS NO CHOICE BUT TO REMOVE PART OF IT.  SHE AT THAT POINT, COULD NOT SPEAK WITHOUT A HEAVY LISP AFTER SIX WEEKS OF HEALING.  THE BIOPSY CAME BACK THAT THE CANCER HAD SPREAD TO HER LYMPH NODES. I HONESTLY I FELT SHE WAS GOING TO BE FINE, EVEN AT THIS POINT.  AFTER THIS, THEY HAD ANOTHER THERAPY WHERE SHE STAYED ISOLATED FOR FIVE DAYS IN A ROOM THAT WAS RADIOACTIVE AND NO ONE WAS ALLOWED IN BECAUSE IT COULD HARM THEM.  THIS IS WHERE MY GUILT BEGINS TO SET IN.  I DID NOT WANT TO FACE THAT THIS WAS AS SERIOUS AS IT WAS.  I AM SO VERY ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT, BUT I WAS SCARED. HER AND I KNOW EACH OTHER WELL.  I KNEW ALSO, I WOULD START CRYING.  SHE HAD GIVEN STRICT ORDERS FOR OTHERS NOT TO BE SAD AROUND HER.  SHE SIMPLY COULD NOT STAND BEING THE ROOT OF ANOTHER’S PAIN.  SHE SIMPLY DIDN’T HAVE A MEAN BONE IN HER BODY.  

THE PROTOCOL AFTER THIS, WAS TO BEGIN CHEMOTHERAPY, BUT SHE TOLD THE DOCTORS THAT SHE WOULD NOT DO THIS DUE TO THE HORRIFIC SIDE EFFECTS.  SHE HAD A BAD EXPERIENCE WITH THE ANESTHESIOLOGIST WHO THOUGHT HE PUT HER TO SLEEP.  HE HAD NOT.  SHE COULD FEEL THE TRACHEOTOMY TUBE GOING DOWN HER THROAT AND WOKE UP, AND WENT INTO CARDIAC ARREST.  AFTER  THIS, SHE ALSO WOULD NO LONGER AGREE TO A TRACHEOTOMY PROCEDURE WHICH WAS REQUIRED FOR ALL REMAINING OPTIONS FOR THIS CANCER.   NOTHING WENT RIGHT.  AFTER SPENDING FIVE DAYS IN ISOLATED, TARGETED RADIATION, THE INITIAL TUMORS HAD SHRUNK, BUT A NEW TUMOR BEGAN TO PROTUDE FROM THE LEFT SIDE OF HER THROAT ON HER VOICE BOX.  (NO MORE SINGING).  THIS HAD ALWAYS BEEN HER PASSION WAS WRITING MUSIC AND SINGING IT, AND NOW, THE QUALITY OF HER LIFE WAS NOT GOING TO ALLOW HER TO SING ANYMORE.  SHE REFUSED CHEMOTHERAPY AND TRACHEOTOMIES WERE REQUIRED FOR THE REMAINING OPTIONS.  

AT THIS POINT, WE ARE A GOOD NINE MONTHS INTO THE FOURTEEN MONTHS FROM HER WEDDING. I HAD TO HAND IT OVER TO HER HUSBAND.  HE WAS AMAZING AND EVEN SLEPT ON THE FLOOR OF HOSPITAL ROOMS SO HE WOULD NOT HAVE TO LEAVE HER.  SHE OPTED TO GO TOWARDS EASTERN MEDICINE OR A HOMEOPATHIC TREATMENT.  SHE TRIED, BUT THE CANCER WAS CONTINUALLY GETTING WORSE.  SHE AT THIS POINT WEIGHED A LITTLE MORE THAN HALF OF HER INITIAL WEIGHT.  THEY HAD INCLUDED A FEEDING TUBE IN AS PROTOCOL TO HELP HER GAIN WEIGHT.  NO SUCH LUCK.  I HAVE SHARED NOW, MOST OF THE FACTS UNTIL TWO WEEKS PRIOR TO HER DEATH WHEN I FIRST WENT OUT TO JENNER, CALIFORNIA.  MY SISTER WAS MADLY IN LOVE, AND HAD TWO AMAZING DAUGHTERS WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART.  SHE HAD REASONS “TO LIVE”.  GREGORY WAS SO “CONNECTED” TO HER, HE COULD NOT STAND ALL OF THIS AND HER INCREASED PAIN SO I FEEL HE WAS ALONG THE SAME THINKING LINES AS SHE WAS.  I WAS SHOCKED WHEN I ARRIVED FOR MY FIRST VISIT.  THIS IS WHEN I REALIZED THERE WAS A GOOD CHANCE MY LITTLE SISTER WOULD HAVE TO FACE DEATH. 

I AM NOT ABLE TO HIDE MY EMOTIONS VERY WELL, AND I FEEL SHE KNEW IT WAS SO HARD ON ME BECAUSE THERE WAS A GOOD HALF A DAY THAT SHE TOLD ME NOT TO COME AGAIN.  AT THIS POINT, SHE HAD SAID HER GOODBYES.  THE DOCTORS GAVE HER TWO TO SIX MONTHS.  WE WANT TO BE ANGRY WITH SOMEONE WHEN WE SEE A LOVED ONE GO THROUGH ALL THIS.  WE DO NOT WANT TO LOSE THEM.  OH MY GOODNESS, NO WAY.  I WENT HOME AND POURED MY HEART AND SOUL INTO LOOKING FOR FDA TRIALS FOR THIS FORM OF CANCER.  DUE TO COVID-19, MANY OF THE RESEARCHERS HAD TO STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF EXPERIMENTS AND WHAT WAS AVAILABLE, WAS THINGS THAT SHE HAD MADE UP HER MIND SHE SIMPLY WOULD NOT DO.  ALL OF THE RESEARCH I FOUND REQUIRED A TRACHEOTOMY TO PROCEED.  SHE AT THIS POINT, WAS NOW TOO WEAK AND BODY WEIGHT TOO LOW TO DO THIS.  IT WAS BEYOND SAD THE SECOND TRIP WHEN I WENT.  SHE HAD CHANGED HER MIND ABOUT ME COMING ON THE SAME DAY SHE TOLD ME NOT TO COME.  SHE TEXTED ON HER OWN, TELLING ME TO COME.  DEATH-THIS IS OUR DAILY WISDOM WORD TODAY.  WE ARE GETTING CLOSE TO THE END OF THIS STORY IN EVERY WAY, SAD, BUT TRUE.  

WE ARE NOW GOING TO TAKE A LOOK AT THE WEBSTER DICTIONARY MEANING OF DEATH AND THEN, THE DAILY WISDOM WORDS DEFINITION.  

DEATH-THE END OF A LIFE OF A PERSON.  2.  PERMANENT END OF VITAL CELL PROCESSES AND FUNCTION OF THE HUMAN BODY DIES.  

DWW DEFINITION OF DEATH-A LOSS OF A HUMAN BEING THAT IS HUMAN.  THEY ARE NO LONGER PART OF THIS REALM AND HAVE A NEW SPIRITUAL REALM.  DEATH GIVES WAY TO A RE-BIRTHING PROCESS AS THEIR SIN IS WASHED AWAY. THEY ARE NOW GOD’S ANGELS ‘WITH WINGS.  JENNY SOFTLY TOOK IN ONE LAST BREATH OF AIR AND SHE WAS GONE.  IF I HAD NO FAITH OR HOPE IN HUMANITY, I WOULDN’T BELIEVE I WOULD SEE HER AGAIN.  WE WILL  ALONG WITH OTHER LOVED ONES I BELIEVE WHEN I GO.  THE DAILY WISDOM WORD TODAY WAS DEATH.  THE LAST THING I REMEMBER ABOUT JENNY’S FACE WAS THE EXPRESSION OF PEACE.  WHY HER, LORD?  WHY DID SHE HAVE TO GO?  WHY DID SHE LEAVE SO SOON WHEN YOU CALLED HER HOME?  I SUSPECT THOSE ANSWERS WILL NOT HAVE AN ANSWER UNTIL I CROSS OVER FOR REBIRTH.  GOD BLESS YOU ALL.  FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO PARTICIPATED IN THE MEMORIAL FOR MY SISTER, JENNIFER GYPSY KEIM, I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.  PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT ON YOUR THOUGHT PROCESS OF DEATH, OR A POEM ABOUT IT.  SAMANTHA LEBOEUF/BIG SISTER