GOODBYES

How do we say farewell or goodbye?  Now that I have lost someone so close to me, my sister, I am wondering if saying farewell to those I love could be the final farewell.  Life is short.  We never know what will happen today, much less in the future.  Sadly, life is full of loss and tragedy.  It is also full of hope and dreams that sometimes come true.  I am upset with myself  for the things I did not say to Jenny, my little sister before she died.   I was truly at a loss for words.  The main memories I have of her are from childhood.  I do remember whenever there was a crisis, (love crisis and otherwise), she was there for me.  She would often hang up the phone without a farewell or goodbye as she would be getting another call or the her girls needed something, or her lunch break was over.  I think she thought as I did.  Maybe forever’s are how we all live our lives.  If we are not sick, we don’t focus on death.  When we say goodbye to someone we love, we don’t think  that it may be the last chance we get to do so.  

Goodbyes are so important because we simply don’t know what will happen in our future.  We should place more importance on them.  I believe when I say goodbye, I should say I love you, always to those I love.  At least my little sister knew this.  I loved her very much.  She lives on through her music.  I hate it that I am continually going onto any music platform I can find, to hear her music.  Why did I not take more of an interest in it when she was alive?  the years of our thirties and forties were spent raising our children.  She lived in Los Angeles and I lived in Parker, Colorado.  We would talk once a month, maybe more.  When we would talk, the bond we had automatically had built from childhood came back instantly.  We found ourselves once again telling each other our secrets.  I would tell her the things I told no one else.   I would share with her secrets you only trust a sister with.  She would share with me, the same.  I know in the last year of her life she first of all had a husband.  They were so close she shared with him what she no longer shared with me.  

The main reason she didn’t share much with me was because she could not talk without people, including myself, asking her to repeat what she was saying as it was hard to understand her.  I think it was frustrating to her.  I know it was for me.  Remember: she was 52 years old and I am 55 years old.  At this point, she also had a best friend for 30 years, Kelly.  I feel Kelly knew my little sister’s secrets.  It is easy to think that we didn’t have much in common at this stage in her life, newly married, with cancer and already having a best friend.  however, just because we didn’t have a lot in common, the childhood bond remained.   Amazing it stayed so strong,  I believe had she been able to communicate better, she and I would have shared more.  She seemed happy until the cancer treatments and cancer itself caused so much pain.  I realize now, that the last few times I talked to her, I talked to her feeling so bad for her, and this came through in our conversation.  We could have texted.  We simply didn’t that often.  As life goes on, we become a product of our experiences.  The last year of her life she was experiencing the cancer, a new marriage, living hundreds of miles away from her girls who she connected with always seeing them.  She was going through so many adjustments, I doubt her mind was on what Samantha was doing for that night’s dinner.  

I miss her hourly now.  However, it hasn’t even been three weeks since she’s been gone.  I wish I had…..I wish I could….Phrases like this get us no where in life.  What takes us to new growth levels in life, is learning from our mistakes.  I will.  I will be more careful to share my feelings with loved ones, placing their feelings first.  My goodbyes won’t be so quick any more.  Time is NOT a promise.  It is a gift.  Life is a gift.  Getting to say goodbye short-term or long-term is a gift if we remember to always say how we feel.  “I love you”, will always accompany my goodbyes now.  A new feeling envelopes me when I think of a goodbye with someone I love.  There are no promises it won’t be my last goodbye.  Make every goodbye or farewell, one that will be remembered in case things change in your life or theirs.  Tomorrow is not a promise.  Neither is the next hour.  We only have the present to treat those we love with grace and love.  When we say goodbye, we should say it with feeling.  It could be our last one to that person.  We don’t control life as much as we would love to.  goodbye for now, and yes, readers, I do love you all.  

Samantha LeBoeuf/Daily Wisdom Words

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