#Empowerment – Daily Wisdom Words

WHAT ARE “TRIGGERS”? THE TRIGGERS I AM REFERRING TO ARE OUR “EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS”. EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS STEM FROM PAST TRAUMA. DEPENDING ON WHAT HAS HAPPENED EMOTIONALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY THROUGHOUT OUR LIVES, WE experience sensitivity to certain things that happen to us in our current state. The only way to deal with the triggers is to trace them back to what the initial event was that caused the trigger to begin with.

We will now take a look at the meaning of triggers in our Webster Dictionary and our daily wisdom words definition.

Webster Dictionary Definition of Triggers-1. An event or circumstance that causes a certain event to happen or take place.

Daily Wisdom Words Definition of Triggers-An emotional response that often is overkill to a particular event. Triggers occur when we have “emotional baggage” we did not deal with from our past.

Our past is key to figuring out the root of this emotional trigger. Until we deal with the emotional scars we didn’t cope or confront from our past, we cannot get to the root cause of them. Until we trace back in our past what event caused the emotional trigger, we will continue to suffer with these triggers that apply to us.

I will use myself as an example. I have always been extremely sensitive about things. Oftentimes others joke with me and I will feel I am the butt end of the joke. In “reality” this isn’t the case or intention from the person who told the joke. My being “overly sensitive” caused the joke to be internalized. I have had much counseling in my past. It has helped me hopefully help others. It didn’t take brain surgery to figure out why I had this emotional trigger. I was often teased as a child by the individuals in my life I cared for the most.

This began a series of emotional “triggers’ in adulthood. Unfortunately, simply tracing a current issue we have back from where it started, is not enough to fix it. We will still suffer from these same triggers. However, when this particular trigger occurs, we will learn to desensitize ourselves when we have this emotional trigger, over time. We will also learn to put the current event into the proper perspective it belongs. We will also learn to take emotional accountability for our part in this trigger. Coping with our past trauma is the only way we will ever be able to deal with the current emotional expression we show and feel when we are triggered.

Dealing with emotional trauma from our past or current emotional trauma when life throws us a current curve ball like a family member dying, is the only way our sickness we will cope with new triggers we can develop in adulthood. We must learn to cope with our trauma when it plays out by seeking professional counseling if necessary. Stuffing emotions in, or not coping with them as a child or in adulthood cause misunderstandings inside our heart only hurting ourselves. I hope this helps someone out there today. It is much easier to deal with our triggers by not letting them permeate emotionally to begin with.

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Samantha LeBoeuf/Daily Wisdom Words

THIS ARTICLE ENTITLED “SAYING NO AND CREATING BOUNDARIES “ IS BY DR. SHANNI DOVER

Hello again, Dear Reader. This week’s topic is about saying no and creating boundaries. This skill is a must in life. No matter how positive and caring we may strive to be, there will be moments in life when saying no is necessary. Let’s take a closer look.

In hindsight, I believe saying no is a skill I wish I had mastered sooner in my life. I’ve often felt in order to be positive, we must have “yes in our hearts”…so much so, I said yes to others when that was the exact wrong answer. So rather than saying, “Let me think about that…”, I rushed to say yes. I believe I did so to in some way validate myself as a good person. Years later, I heard the words, “If in doubt, wait”.

By realizing that saying no and creating boundaries is beneficial, we free ourselves to be the captain of our own ship. We can take charge of our lives! Finding our reserves of strength and self confidence can be the result. In saying no, we learn to empower ourselves. When we don’t allow ourselves to be bullied or coerced into activities we are unsure of, we can then take time to weigh our options.

Quite often, demonstrating uncertainty can be seen by others as a green light towards taking advantage of you. Your perceived vulnerability can be targeted and exploited. However, consider stopping for three beats…a mere 3 seconds. By doing so, you may save yourself from pain and chaos.

Additionally, by demonstrating integrity and resisting the urge to “be nice” and say yes, we allow ourselves time to fully, rationally reflect and explore options. However, we must keep in mind that our best option could ultimately be saying no.

Just Say No:

Just Say No was a popular campaign in the 80’s spearheaded by former FLOTUS Nancy Reagan. This was an anti-drug campaign that provided the slogan, but virtually nothing else. When I interviewed a student during that timeframe, he stated,”You don’t say no in my neighborhood.” That was a profound moment for me. It occurred to me that catchy slogans meant nothing without offering a means of doing so. There is obviously more to a decision than just saying no.

Another factor I feel is important in saying no and creating boundaries, is remaining neutral in our delivery. Our facial expression is neither positive or negative about a suggestion; this allows you to say no while remaining diplomatic.

Therefore, finding ways of saying no and creating boundaries without being offensive offers others the knowledge that you will consider their suggestion. By waiting to offer a reply, you afford yourself the freedom to take control; you provide yourself the time to rationally weigh pros and cons.

Creating Boundaries:

So most of us could likely agree that it’s important to say no. We could also agree that this can be easier said than done. Therefore, finding ways of saying no and creating boundaries that you are comfortable with is so important. Saying no demonstrates your personal commitment to navigating your life as you see fit.

Creating boundaries allows one the freedom to choose. Manipulation by others can thus be mitigated. However, in the spirit of positivity, others certainly can influence our choices in a way that is beneficial to us. Conversely, others often negatively influence our decisions. Saying no and creating boundaries simply facilitates self protection from these said negative influences.

It logically follows that we can protect our integrity by saying no and creating boundaries. It is a healthy alternative to consider. These boundaries allow us to say no while maintaining a positive countenance. I cannot overemphasize the importance of positivity in our interactions with others.

So, given that boundaries can be a good thing, we have the opportunity to develop strategies. What, and how this is done requires finesse. Primarily, this also requires practice. Typically that means repetition. I’ve personally found ways of distancing and saying no but again, I feel that repetition is key. Therefore, I have practiced certain strategies so that they became automatic.

I will now refer to an article I have found to be valuable by Leo Babuata entitled, “The Gentle Art of Saying No” in which the author discusses how to say no while minimizing your stress. Here is a brief summary of his 10 steps in the gentle art of saying no.

1.) Value your time: know your commitments…if your plate is full, day so, “I just can’t right now…I’m overloaded”.
2.) Know your priorities: look at hue you will spend your time; the more commitments, the less time you have to give away.
3.) Practice saying no: the more you do it, the more comfortable you become in doing so.
4.) Don’t apologize: be firm but unapologetic; saying no can be seen as a weakness.
5.) Stop being nice: saying yes all the time can actually hurt you; show that you guard your time.
6.) Say no to your boss: explain you have too many commitments; take into consideration that the boss can always insist.
7.) Pre-empting: it may be easier to pre-empt before a suggestion is made and saying no is required of you.
8.) Get back to you: this statement communicates that you will consider the request.
9.) Maybe later: this communicates that you are keeping your options open.
10.) It’s not you, it’s me: be sincere if you use this phrase; indicate that it’s not the right fit.

Additionally, an old standby that is still useful to me in saying no:

‘That just won’t work for me’ and slight variations you can repeat include:
‘That isn’t going to work for me’
‘It just won’t work for me’
‘No that won’t work for me’

The trick is, when they ask why, you simply repeat variations of the phrase. No apologies. No explanations. This creates a protective boundary for you. Furthermore, if you actually want time to consider the request, a variation could include: No, that won’t work for me right now. Either way, you are in control of your decisions.

Conclusions:

Saying no and creating boundaries is an essential skill to master. Although that may be a given, it is easier said than done. Therefore, if we practice saying no and creating boundaries we can create a protective dimension for ourselves; for our integrity.

As always, Dear Reader, please feel free to ask questions and/or leave comments below in join the discussion. I typically check back throughout the week for your thoughts. Until next time, stay safe and healthy!

THIS ARTICLE ENTITLED “SAYING NO AND CREATING BOUNDARIES “ IS BY DR. SHANNI DOVER