Rearview Mirror

THIS ARTICLE ENTITLED, REARVIEW MIRROR IS BY DR. SHANNI DOVER

Hello again, constant Reader. Today I will discuss the Rearview mirror analogy and how it may relate to your life.


Rearview Mirror Analogy:

The Rearview Mirror analogy, as I like to call it, had its genesis many years ago. Simply put, it refers to endings. Specifically, ending a negative relationship, and ultimately seeing that person in your “rearview mirror”. However, coming to this decision may be one of the hardest tasks you will ever undertake. Let’s take a deeper look!

 

Beginnings:

As individuals enter into a relationship and/or marriage, some tend to believe that ‘forever’ truly exists within their chosen love. Thus, we hold on tightly, even in the face of toxicity. Consequently, many of us stay when it is passed time that the ‘special’ person is viewed in your rearview mirror.

 


Conundrum:

The complexity of human nature does not easily lend itself to study. Yet, many self-help books exist and psychologists have worked to understand the mysteries of the human mind for many years. Suffice it to say, algorithms and theories abound with regards to human behavior. The rearview mirror analogy then becomes a way to define a significant event.

 

Endings:

When it comes to ending a relationship, some of us tend to falter and settle for less than we deserve. We often settle because we believe that a failed relationship is our own personal failure. This is far from reality. Two people must constantly work together in order to be in a successful relationship.

This being said, no one can truly tell you when or if you should walk away. In fact, counselors will typically avoid being this directive with clients. It is a personal choice. However, our rearview mirror is sometimes precisely where we need to see our respective partners. Abuse and suffering do not have to be an on-going part of your daily existence.

 

Choices:

In utilizing the analogy, our rearview mirrors provide us with other salient choices as opposed to living in a toxic environment. The analogy can facilitate a path by which individuals can be OK with endings, as endings are a natural part of life. The letting go is painful; you will likely grieve for the loss. Yet, the daily pain of living with an abusive partner is much more deleterious to your well-being. Again, this choice isn’t easy but it is sometimes it is the only logical option.

 

Thoughts: 

If “our thoughts create our world” (Stephen Richards, 1836-1878) then it stands to reason that we can also change our worlds with our thoughts.  Therefore, the Rearview Mirror analogy may empower individuals to make a positive change. By simplifying a complex contextual event, one can entertain more possibilities. Thus, when we can see our power and potential futures, we may ultimately be inspired to seek a better existence. This could ameliorate the fear we feel that is inherent in major life changes.

 

Changes:

Although the Rearview Mirror analogy can be a tool to assist in your emancipation, I cannot be more emphatic that not all relationships require this level of intervention. There are certainly healthy relationships in which people are able to talk through their issues. However, many feel trapped, like a prisoner in their own lives. They feel the daily devastation of a dishonest, disloyal partner. These people are suffering…drowning in a quicksand of deceit, neglect, and abuse. Therefore, for these souls, the Rearview Mirror analogy may provide a safety net, perhaps even a possible beacon of hope and empowerment.


Conclusions:

The Rearview Mirror analogy refers to having made the decision to end a relationship. Thus, the partner is now in the rearview mirror and out of their daily lives. Further, it also provides a simplified albeit salient tool to take charge of your path in life. Although grief will likely be present, the freedom one receives in return could allow for a better self-image and an improved path.

Letting go can obviously be extremely difficult; however, letting go may be the healthiest choice. Abuse does not have to be part of life. Accepting abuse is not the only option. It has been said that when one door closes, another opens. This optimism underlies the Rearview Mirror analogy and can lead to the life of your dreams.

Please feel free comment with regards to the value of these words, and what you want to see more of in these posts. Next Sunday (3/22/20, 3-6 pm) I will discuss surviving heartbreak. Until then, dear Reader, I remain your friend.

THIS ARTICLE ENTITLED, REARVIEW MIRROR IS BY DR. SHANNI DOVER

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